I tackled gift-producing area. I had a bow maker, rolls of paper, ribbons, ready for every occasion. It was a time when boys would be invited to a birthday party quite suddenly, and it kept me from “running out” at last minute to buy wrapping. This I decided to eliminate. The storage space required and clutter were not worth it, and it seemed I never had right thing anyway. I bought 10 generic gift bags with white tissue, appropriate for any age or occasion.

Also, seeing myself “burdened” by gifts coming my way – that teddy bear statuette just wasn’t “me” even if it was expensive crystal – I switched to what I call “disposable” gifts. Sending someone a floral arrangement, or a basket of fruit, or a Honey-baked ham would note occasion, but it would “go away” and they wouldn’t have to find a place for it.

I have never been comfortable giving money, but gift certificates seemed possible. It showed at least a little “thought” and “effort,” two things I find missing in gifts of money. (Not that I’ve ever refused one!)

For those with no material needs whatsoever, I would donate money to a charity close to their heart. That is greatly appreciated by most people. Charities list in their newsletter gifts made in honor of, or in memory of, others, and that’s a nice touch.

Re: people in my life, I took a look at investment-return ratio. Some of them, I had to admit, were a drain. With me being in a helping profession, some were “using” me for free counseling, while making no improvements in their lives, and that didn’t give me friendship I needed, or provide for them counseling or coaching they needed.

I made a list of people who really meant something to me, with whom I had strong mutual bonds, and I whittled away at ones who didn’t contribute anything to my life. We call this in coaching, “getting rid of tolerations.” Yes, people can be “tolerations” and I think this is one of more important “ah hahs” Thomas Leonard, founder of coaching, gave to world.

I eliminated immediately ones who were a negative drain on me, and took a closer look at ones wanting entry. I quietly discouraged some “friendships” from ever occurring in first place. Life is choices.

I believe that our lives are greatly influenced by 5 people we spend most time with. I made sure Top 5 were ones I wanted and needed them to be.

META-THEORY I decided to slow myself down at checkout counter. I disciplined myself for 6 months. I would not make any impulse buys. I would go home and consider it. Usually it wasn’t worth effort to go back.

I would not go shopping to “window shop.” There’s no such thing! There’s always something attracts my eye I think I “must have.”

Shopping would be a necessity for essentials, not Saturday afternoon entertainment for me and kids.

I put more thought into things I gave others so as to slow flow into their lives as well.

READY FOR THE NEW YEAR As you participate in, or observe, shopping frenzy of holiday season. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”

Good reasons are: ·It’s meaningful ·I enjoy it ·I know it’s something I can afford and know it’s something they need or would like

Bad reasons are: ·I don’t know why ·To keep up with Joneses ·Because I always have ·Because you're supposed to

Oserve closely your own behavior. That’s beginning of making positive changes.

It’s emotionally intelligent thing to do!

Here are some examples of small gestures that can help people around you feel valued:

1. Show your appreciation with a thank-you, a smile or a hug (or all three.) It takes just a moment, but it can make a person's day.

2. Practice a random act of kindness every day. Make this your "gift" to a stranger. For example, let someone in front of you in line. Hold a door open for someone. Smile and greet people you pass at work. These acts take only a few seconds or less, yet they create a mood that can last for hours.

3. Call up someone you haven't spoken to in a while, just to catch up on how they are. You've probably been meaning to do this for a long time. Now is a good time.

4. If you have children, give one child at a time your full attention for an afternoon: Go for a walk; go to library; or just sit and read or draw together. The activity itself isn't as important as sharing time and interacting together. Going to a movie or watching a video doesn't count.

5. Write a note of appreciation to someone who is important to you. Don't be surprised if that person keeps note for years to come.

6. Think of way you'd like to be remembered by those around you, and give of yourself accordingly throughout year. The added benefit for you is that you'll be in a more positive frame of mind overall.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Beyond Words Publishing, 2001)

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.