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In this way you can identify which situation and people bring you pleasure, and which bring you pain, and make wise decisions.
In case of my friend in car, she might have had that experience also if her boyfriend were currently facing a bypass or cataract surgery. You need to be able to sort out what’s causing what. Is it pain about someone you love, or is someone you love causing you pain?
This is important because being able to experience and process a negative emotion gives you more confidence in your ability to manage them. The better you understand what’s going on, more you realize you have a choice. If you study how to process a certain negative emotion, such as anger, you’ll come to know your trigger-points, and your patterns of response that aren’t productive. These you can always change. You can also choose which things are worth energy it takes, and physical stress toll it takes, to get angry.
Understanding your ability to change things gives you personal power. You always have a choice. You have option to avoid things that make you angry, to avoid criticizing yourself when you do feel angry, to learn how to calm yourself more quickly, to change how you respond when you get angry – both internally and externally – and to eliminate people who constantly make you angry.
The more you learn about emotions in general, and yours in particular, more options you have. You will become less puzzled in grip of an emotion, less rigid in your responses, and better able to think and respond (or not) rather than feel and react mindlessly. This makes you a full and complex human being, not an input-opereation-output machine.
We generally acquire more emotional intelligence throughout our lifetime, but it’s not a given if you aren’t processing and becoming aware. If you find yourself swamped by same things over and over, take a look at what’s going on, do some reading, and work with a coach. If a certain situation always triggers a reaction from you that gets you in trouble, understand this is something you can change. You can learn to bring about a different outcome. After all, not everyone who gets angry hits someone, gets hot under collar, shouts, becomes passively defiant, or sings a happy tune. Of all responses out there that are possible, you can learn to choose best one for you at time.
Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching, Internet courses, ebooks and coach training for your personal and professional development. For FREE EQ ezine, mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org with "ezine" for subject line.