The Animal Rights Summit

Written by David Leonhardt

Continued from page 1

I decided to try a rapprochement. "You have to admit that most people would rather sacrifice a few laboratory rats than discover their children have gone blind."

"Mice!" insisted Mouse #1.

"Pardon me," I replied

"We are mice, not rats," explained Mouse #2.

Robin Gunn snorted. His band of merry hunters snorted, too.

"I suspect most people would not care whether their cosmetics are tested on mice or rats or elephants, as long as they knowrepparttar products are safe before they buy them," I suggested helpfully.

"Great! Now our host wants to torture elephants , too," Big Bear growled with an increasingly hungry look in his eyes. "Don't you know they are an endangered species?"

It was at that point that I decided to bring in Plan B. "Brownies anyone?"

Robin Gunn snorted. His band of merry hunters snorted, too. But they aterepparttar 125898 brownies.

I turned to Mr. Gunn. '"I understandrepparttar 125899 need to eat animals I said, with one eye on Big Bear, but doesn't killing them for sport seem a bit much?"

"Why?" Mr. Gunn wanted to know.

"Well, it doesn't seem like much of a sport when one team gets a high-powered shotgun, whilerepparttar 125900 other never even knows there's a game going on, does it?"

Big Bear growled. The mice growled, too. OK, so it was more like a high-pitched squeak, but it'srepparttar 125901 thought that counts, right?

I tried another line of discussion. "What if you met withrepparttar 125902 animals to pick teams. Wouldn't that be a little more fair?"

Robin Gunn looked at me like I was crazy. Big Bear looked at me like I was crazy.

It turns out that I was crazy. The summit ended in a dismal failure. Big Bear lovedrepparttar 125903 brownies, but he wanted something more. The Three Blind Mice never even saw him coming.

And Mrs. Gunn is really enjoying her new bearskin rug.

Meanwhile, I don't know what to do about my increasingly greasy hair. I suppose that sooner or later, I'll have to use shampoo. Inrepparttar 125904 meantime, I you think ketchup will work?

David Leonhardt is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven Read more personal growth articles: Visit his liquid vitamins store: Or his happiness website:

Republican/Conservative Hate Members of the Media

Written by T.D. Roberts

Continued from page 1

Pat Buchanan: "[H]omosexuality is an affliction, like alcoholism."

Bill O'Reilly to Jewish caller: "[I]f you are really offended, you gotta go to Israel."

Bill Cunningham (Clear Channel radio host who appeared as a guest on The Sean Hannity Show): The election is over because "Elizabeth Edwards has now sung."

Jerry Falwell: "And we're going to invite PETA [to "wild game night"] as our special guest, P-E-T-A -- People forrepparttar Ethical Treatment of Animals. We want you to come, we're going to give you a top seat there, so you can sit there and suffer. This is one of my special groups, another one'srepparttar 125897 ACLU, another isrepparttar 125898 NOW --repparttar 125899 National Order of Witches [sic]. We've got -- I've got a lot of special groups."

Posted torepparttar 125900 web ( on Thursday December 23, 2004 at 6:17 PM EST Copyright 2004-2005 Media Matters for America. All rights reserved.


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