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"But you don't have a tree out front, Uncle Albert."
"Right there," he pointed. "Across street. Hey Wilson! Stop blowing out my candles!"
"You lit candles on your neighbor's tree?"
"Ha! A lot of good that will do me," Uncle Albert sighed. "You would think ingrate would appreciate a little Christmas spirit now and then. Hey Wilson! Get some Christmas spirit, you overgrown porcupine pimple!"
"Maybe some people don't want Christmas spirit all year 'round?"
"Don't be silly, Happy Guy. Everybody wishes it to each other," he replied. "May Christmas spirit last all year. But it never does. You know why?" "I'm afraid I am about to find out."
"Because nobody wants to do all those things they sing so nostalgically about," he harrumphed.
"Maybe we just need some new Christmas carols. Instead of trying to make reality fit songs, why not sing songs that fit reality?"
"Funny you should mention that," Uncle Albert exclaimed. "I wrote one just other day. Want to hear it?"
"Here comes another Yule, let's spend like a fool. Push 'n' shove at store, to buy even more. Light up lights, there'll be no star in sight. Turn up furnace, this world we will burn it. Chop down a tree, chop another down with glee. Wilson is a grump, such a whiny chump. (Like personal touch?) This year let's all cheer it, Whoo! I love this Christmas spirit. "
"That's very original," I observed. "I am sure there must be a market for just such a song...somewhere."
"That's what I thought," Uncle Albert beamed. "Heh, heh. This could even make me rich, rich rich! Ha! Take that, Wilson."
"That's Christmas spirit, Uncle Albert."
The author is David Leonhardt. Sign up for his weekly satire column up at http://TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html or read more columns at http://TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html . Or visit his home page at http://TheHappyGuy.com .