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”Thanksgiving IS
football game,” my husband said to me, soto voce, angry over that and also because he hadn’t had any food.
THE ATTIRE
Everyone from medical school contingent was dressed up, and in festive apparel. The Australians were in blue jeans. The social group also has a pull.
FOOD
At last we were invited to buffet table. To me, it’s a big part of event, and I was aghast. Boiled onions in a cream sauce, a turnip casserole, a ham, tart cranberries just crushed and sitting in a bowl … where was turkey, stuffing, sweet cranberry jelly? I don’t even remember what dessert was, but it’s for sure it wasn’t Ambrosia my Texas-mother fixed, or Mince Meat pie my British-ancestored father demanded.
A conversation ensued about who has what for Thanksgiving, some of us trying to convince non-American participants of what Thanksgiving was “really” like, i.e., not like this, but also not agreeing among ourselves.
My husband and I went home feeling we hadn’t had a Thanksgiving. I didn’t get meal, he didn’t get football game.
THE GRACE
Approaching table, someone suggested a prayer of Thanksgiving. The host (the highest status male present) looked surprise so we all turned toward most known-religious man in room. However, host evidently decided it was his job, and began a grace. I looked around. Some had their heads bowed in prayer; others were looking around room, ill-at-ease.
AMBIANCE
When they first walked into house, US participants looked around as if something was missing. What was missing? There were no Thanksgiving decorations. Nor was there a host; hosts’ child opened door and we went hunting for couple.
“I miss my dad,” Missouri woman told me, an oblique reference to greeting-situation. “He always greeted guests so warmly, with a hug and a big smile at front door.”
The Dominican-Spain couple missed music and dancing. “In my country we dance after dinner,” he said. “Here, you sit and fall asleep.”
He and gentleman from Australia also stayed in room where women were after dinner; rest of guys went off to rec room.
AFTERGLOW
Conversations continued after event. The upshot was we’d had a good time, good company, and didn’t wish to appear ungrateful, but we all were left feeling “homesick.” Next year we’d do our own Thanksgivings, we agreed.
However, next year my husband and I found ourselves in car Thanksgiving Day, on way over to house of a Pakistani couple.
“Why on earth would they invite us over for Thanksgiving?” my husband asked. “It’s an American holiday.”
“I think it’s nice,” I said. “They’re going to live in US and they want to join in and learn new ways. I just hope we have turkey.”
“I just better get to watch game this year,” he added, ominously.
Over chicken makhani and ras malai, unfortunately served during last quarter of football game, Japanese woman on my right said, “So this is how you celebrate Thanksgiving here.”
CULTURAL CHAOS
Interacting with other cultures is challenging, and requires a lot of emotional intelligence. It requires flexibility, creativity, empathy and interpersonal skills, plus a lot of understanding and a sense of humor. It forces us to focus on what’s really important – people or details? It also brings us to a greater awareness of what our own culture is.
Emotional intelligence relies on self-awareness and then other-awareness and finding common ground, with optimism and goodwill. Global emotional intelligence relies on own-culture-awareness, then other-culture-awareness, and then finding common ground with optimism and goodwill.
