* Tenderizing meat - of course, to accomplish this you’ll have to throw meat at it really hard.

* Playing practical jokes on drunk friends - sit them in machine then tell them to watch you as you run around it a few times and you’ll see what I mean.

* Pretending you’re Captain Kirk of Starship Enterprise - set phasers on "useless."

5. The Bowflex (tm) - This is a popular home exercise machine that utilizes incredible power of bending things to sculpt your body.

* Conversation piece - classic display of this machine in corner of your living room is sure to spur discussion. "You have how many payments left on this thing?"

* Tenderizing meat - remove one of bows and slap meat silly with it.

* Burglar deterrant - set machine in front of a ground floor window with all of bows rigged up to latch. Be sure thief signs a waiver before attempting to open window, however, as he’s going to get up to 410 pounds of resistance right where it counts.

6. Electric Ab Training Belts - Electrocute your way to a flatter stomach!

* Unfortunately, they aren’t very good for keeping your pants up, so that’s out of question.

* Place mat/food warmer - somebody running late for dinner? Set their plate on it and turn up juice!

* Memorabilia - write words "Golden Gloves" on it and set it on mantle right next to your "Big Mouth Billy Bass (tm)" singing plastic fish!

* Tenderizing meat - set meat on counter, place belt on top of it, turn it to highest level, then lean down on it with all your weight as it tenderizes and sears at same time!

* Driving safety gear - your spouse have a tendency to get sleepy at wheel? That’s a thing of past when they’ve got belt on and you’ve got controls in your hand...

7. And last but not least, every piece of equipment that has handles, bars, hooks, stacks, pins, corners, rails, seats, clips, stands or attachments and does or does not come in a box...

CLOTHES HANGER!

11. Olympic Bar - Athlete’s nightclub.

12. E-Z Bar - "How dare you! I’m not that type of bar."

13. Squat rack - The lonliest piece of equipment in gym.

14. "It’s all you!" - Said by spotter during last few reps of a set. Translatation: "It’s mostly me."

15. Pro-hormones - Hormones that have lost their amateur status.

16. Meal Replacement Supplement - Cold pizza and warm beer.

17. Clean and Press - Surprisingly enough, it’s a shoulder exercise, not laundry instructions. A variation of it is even known as Hang Clean and Press.

18. High Intensity Interval Training - Occurs when there are two or more flights of stairs leading up to gym.

19. Skullcrushers - An exercise where you make like you’re going to bash your own head in with a barbell, a.k.a. lying tricep extensions.

20. "Hold contraction at top and squeeze for 10 seconds" - Said by a personal trainer when he or she wants to punish client for missing a session.

Now that you’ve got an idea of what is being said at gym, you’ll be able to converse comfortably with natives. You will be completely understood in any gym in world when you walk in and say "I just did two sets of high intensity intervals and now I’m ready for some forced reps" or "I’m taking a lot of meal replacement supplements because I’m bulking up."