Talk to your kids about fighting at a time when they're relaxed and open. Ask them about what other options they might have taken rather than to hit their sister. Help them to brainstorm better solutions.

7. Avoid punishing your kids in general.

Punishing kids usually just creates angry kids who are more likely to fight. Do your best to give choices and give time outs. Punishment may bring short term solutions but will also bring long term problems.

8. Control how you react to their fighting.

When you must intervene, make sure you stay calm. If you're angry and shaming, you actually make it more likely that fighting will occur again.

9. Limit number of fighting opportunities you give your kids.

Think about what has potential to start fights. Don't buy a red ball and a blue ball, this may result in a fight by your kids. Buy two red balls--no fight. Don't have them close to each other when they're tired and hungry if you can help it.

10. Love your kids for all they're worth

Every day tell them you love them and more importantly, show them. Kids who feel loved are least likely to fight. This won't eliminate it, but alternative isn't pretty at all.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of 25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids, at http://www.markbrandenburg.com

How About Teenagers?

How about your teens at home? They certainly should be able to respond better to parents based on their experience, right? Not according to a recent study by National Institute of Health.

A large study of teenagers found that as brain develops, it trims away excess cells so that what's left is more efficient. One of last parts of brain to complete this process is prefrontal cortex, which controls planning, judgement, and self-control. Many teen-agers have not experienced "maturation" of this part of their brain.

"[Adolescents] are capable of very strong emotions and very strong passions, but their prefrontal cortex hasn't caught up with them yet. It's as though they don't have brakes that allow them to slow those emotions down," said Charles Nelson, a child psychologist at University of Minnesota.

Researchers say this may help explain often irrational behavior of teenagers: mood swings, and risks they're often too willing to take.

"If I walk into a class of kids who are 14 or 15," said Nelson, "those kids have a level of brain maturity that just does not map onto kinds of emotional decision- making that a lot of those kids are being asked to make by teachers and parents. Added Nelson: "The more teachers and more parents that understand that there is a biological limitation to child's ability to control and regulate emotion, [the more] they might be able to back off a little and be a bit more understanding."

It can be quite easy for us to judge our kids harshly. But when you can begin to enter your child's world and consider developmental limitations that exist, call to a kindler and gentler way is undeniable.

Your kids will continue to make mistakes.

Your job is to stay calm, love them, and gently show them a different way.

And to be thankful that your kids are here to challenge you to become a more patient person.