John, I accept you as my husband. I Tracy, embrace you, Susan, as my partner for life.

6.It’s time to go back to papers you wrote in Steps 1 and 2. If you’re working together, you’ll have fun sharing those pages, and seeing where you overlap . . . Use colored pencils or highliters to lift up what you have in common – and make those promises and statements of love just leap off page.

7.Now, whether you’re working alone or as a couple, it’s time to prioritize. Which is fancy language for saying, OK, if I have to cut two of these promises off list, which ones will they be? Nibble at your lists, removing things that are just a little less juicy, until you’re left with three or four things you love . . . and about same number of things you promise.

8.Copy these over onto a brand new, clean page. (It’s amazing what a difference a clean sheet of paper can make – trust me on this!)

9.One more question . . . this is a wedding, a celebration of your union, presumably for life. Will your vows indicate a time frame? Some couples use phrase like: “Through all our years, and in all that life may bring us . . . “ “For rest of my days” “As long as we both shall live” “lifetime partner.” “partner forevermore.” Whatever works for you, a wedding or service of union vow should contain a phrase that indicates duration of your commitment. ( If you’ve come this far, I hope you’ve decided to promise your commitment for life.)

10.Read your vow out loud to a trusted someone other than your partner. Does it sound like you? How does it feel to say these words aloud? Have you said anything you’d be embarrassed to say in public? Are there any tongue-tanglers in there? (It’s amazing how seemingly simple phrases turn complex when it’s time to speak!) Make whatever minor changes you need, and then Stop. Feel good about what you’ve done – for you have created one of greatest gifts you will ever make.

Blessings on you and on your union ~ Rev. Dr. M. Maureen Killoran, MA, DMin Life Coach & Spiritual Guide