7. Throw a small holiday get-together with a few other couples (or friends). Plan an activity such as trimming tree or lighting menorah. Be sure to serve festive food and drink. A bonus would be to have a secret Santa gift exchange. This would be where each person brings a gift ($10.00 or less). Everyone picks a number. Person with number one begins with first selection. Go through all numbers and open each gift in front of group. Exchanging is fine and provides some extra fun. Lots of laughs and very interactive.

8. Choose your or his/her place, stay home, rent old holiday classics, light fire and cook a simple but festive meal together. Play holiday music while you cook. Then watch (a few if you like) holiday favorites together. Or, you can bake Christmas cookies or other holiday treats together while listening to music and enjoying fire.

9. Work at a soup kitchen one day (meal) together. Sharing experience of giving is a wonderful way to get to know someone and deepen a relationship. It is also a great way to get into true holiday spirit. After clean up, go for a walk followed by coffee or a nightcap.

10. Go to a planetarium (if one is nearby). Enjoy spectacular winter sky together. There is usually a guided "show" that you can experience as you sit closely, (perhaps hand in hand?). Try to pick out constellations together as you walk back to your car. It is always nice to have an intimate meal afterwards.

See if you can add some ideas of your own to this list. Then put aside several evenings over next few weeks and awaken those feelings of peace, joy and goodwill for others.

Happy Holidays!

When a little boy grows up with a weak and dependent mother who increasingly leans on him in his father’s absence, he is put in an adult situation inappropriate to his years. Although in manhood he states he resents female dependency, he is used to taking role of rescuer and naturally will gravitate to women with emotional broken wings that need fixing.

In our adult relationships, we seek to create situations in which we are comfortable - regardless of their dysfunctionality. If you grew up in a chaotic home, you will subconsciously tend to chaotic relationships. Our home environment, how we were raised, is what we consider normal.

Our adult relationships follow a pattern. A simple exercise will reveal that pattern to you. Write names of all of people with whom you have had a significant relationship. Under each name, list all negative characteristics you can remember - for instance: bad temper, continually late for dates, poor money manager, etc.

After you have completed your list, review character traits that are shared by your dating partners. Circle or yellow high-lite these recurring traits and you will see emergence of a pattern.

While discussing concept of this article with a friend, she was motivated to make list and was uncomfortable with fact that these traits stood out among her three past serious relationships: aggressive personality, alcoholism, and emotional unavailability.

I helped my friend work thru her feelings about this new realization as I did with my clients. Awareness of pattern is first step to changing it. Talking about it with a therapist or trusted friend is next important step because you are then exposing this destructive pattern to light and can carry this awareness with you when you begin your next relationship.

Be assured - patterns are not etched in stone. They can be changed with awareness and work.