Telling the Truth…or Not

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Continued from page 1

So, not only are we often afraid of dealing with another's anger, but we may be even more afraid ofrepparttar lonely feeling of being uncared for. Until we are willing to knowrepparttar 126238 truth of whether or notrepparttar 126239 other person really does care about what is important to us, we may avoid speaking our truth.

However, when we withhold our truth to avoid conflict and avoid feeling uncared for by another,repparttar 126240 consequence is that we feel alone and maybe depressed because we are not caring about ourselves. When we don't stand up for ourselves, we end up feeling unimportant, regardless of how others treat us. We cannot ignore ourselves and feel good inside.

The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Are we willing to give ourselves up to avoid losing others, or are we willing to lose others rather than lose ourselves?" I have found that losing myself is never worth it. If I lose others as a result of speaking my truth, then I have to acceptrepparttar 126241 truth that those people never had my highest good at heart anyway. People who care about my highest good applaud me when I speakrepparttar 126242 truth that supports my highest good. People who care about me support me in living my truth. Those who just want to use me in some way will get angry or hurt at my truth, and that lets me knowrepparttar 126243 truth about their intent.

Therefore, we have to be willing to know another's truth regarding whether or not that person really cares about us in order to tell our heartfelt truth. Let's say that you say to your partner, "It is not tolerable for me to be around you when you are drinking. I feel shut out and disconnected from you when you drink. It is just too lonely to be with you when you are drinking." If alcohol is more important to your partner than you are, thenrepparttar 126244 response is likely to be, "That's your problem, not mine. Stop blaming me for your feelings. Stop trying to control me!" If you are more important to your partner than alcohol, then your partner will addressrepparttar 126245 issue and get some help withrepparttar 126246 problem. The question is, do you want to knowrepparttar 126247 reality ofrepparttar 126248 situation? Are you prepared to take loving action for yourself if you discover that your partner really doesn't care aboutrepparttar 126249 effect his or her behavior is having on you?

You will haverepparttar 126250 courage to speak your truth when you haverepparttar 126251 courage to knowrepparttar 126252 truth about any given relationship. What if you say to your best friend, "I often feel judged by you and it doesn't feel good," and your best friend gets defensive and tells you it's all your problem. What are you going to do if your best friend consistently responds in an uncaring way? Are you willing to lose someone whom you have believed was your best friend, or are you going to avoid tellingrepparttar 126253 truth to avoid knowingrepparttar 126254 truth? Are you willing to feelrepparttar 126255 loneliness if you find out that someone you thought cared really doesn't, or do you want to go on pretending that real caring exists with that person?

It take great courage to tellrepparttar 126256 truth and discoverrepparttar 126257 truth. We often kid ourselves into thinking that avoiding others anger and hurt is a loving thing to do. We justify our behavior by telling ourselves that it's just that we don't want to hurt or upset others, or that we just don't want to deal with another's hurt or anger. Yet avoidance may not be loving to ourselves or others. Are you willing to sacrificing your own integrity to avoidrepparttar 126258 pain of conflict and loneliness? To me, nothing is worth a loss of integrity, not evenrepparttar 126259 loss of another.

When you really tune into how you feel when you withhold your truth to protect yourself from conflict and loneliness, you will discover that honoring yourself by telling your truth, without blame or judgment, is deeply empowering. You will feel on top of repparttar 126260 world when you finally haverepparttar 126261 courage to speak your heartfelt truth when your intent is to support your own and others' highest good. Margaret Paul, Ph.D. isrepparttar 126262 best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: or

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: or


Written by Dr. Jim Manganiello

Continued from page 1

In Part one of this article we learned that midlife is not a crisis; it’s a crossroads ofrepparttar soul. One road leads to what I callrepparttar 126237 “not-such-a-good-life” andrepparttar 126238 other to The Good Life.

The road torepparttar 126239 Good Life requires that we recognize and honor our soul’s call torepparttar 126240 Heart—to our innermost identity.

To respond to this call, we must getrepparttar 126241 knowledge andrepparttar 126242 tools to free ourselves from a conditioned identity that limits us to yesterday’s vision of who we are and that limits our vision of what our life can be.

If we fail to understand and properly negotiate midlife territory, we might become rigid and inflexible in an attempt to hold on tightly to what was.

This can result in a narrowing and constricting of our lives as we forfeitrepparttar 126243 opportunity to claim powerful options for growth that emerge during midlife.

We also can fail to properly negotiate midlife territory if we impulsively react torepparttar 126244 chaos and confusion it brings by making changes that we don't understand or that we’re not prepared for.

We might, for example, prematurely change jobs, leave a relationship, make risky investments, or embrace some glitzy philosophy in a not too well thought out gesture to make change. Too often this reactive approach leaves us washed up on a psychological shore that is empty of any depth or meaning.

Our surface identity seeks to find and cling to some sense of certainty that could keep it secure and safe.

We could say that when it travels, our surface identity likes to have an itinerary clearly and precisely mapped out. It does not like surprises. It even avoidsrepparttar 126245 scenic routes so that it can stay onrepparttar 126246 main road where everything is predictable.

Midlife can be a time when our old maps for life do not fitrepparttar 126247 territory that we find ourselves in.

As Dante put it in his Inferno,

Midway this way of life we're bound upon, I woke to find myself in a dark wood, Whererepparttar 126248 right road was wholly lost and gone.

Circumstances that can make us intensely aware of midlife turmoil are both internal and external.

The external ones include realities such asrepparttar 126249 physical evidence of our aging,repparttar 126250 death of our parents, our children leavingrepparttar 126251 nest andrepparttar 126252 closer view of our own death onrepparttar 126253 visible horizon.

These situations are depressing in that they tend to put us face to face with an existence that contradictsrepparttar 126254 stance of our youthful heroism, a heroism that always imagined that we could have our own way in this life.

Our heroic ego also finds itself assaulted fromrepparttar 126255 inside. The solid ground that our self-image seemed to stand on begins to crack.

We find ourselves experiencing a discrepancy between who we thought we were and who we actually are now. To make matters worse, whilerepparttar 126256 person we thought we were seems to be dissolving,repparttar 126257 person we hoped we weren't begins to show up more and more.

This clash of images can leave us feeling sad, depressed, stressed out and very alone. We might feel a sense of profound loss that we cannot really explain to ourselves.

The forces that accompany midlife can push us deeply into our fear. But if we can open whatrepparttar 126258 great spiritual traditions callrepparttar 126259 Eye ofrepparttar 126260 Heart, we can seerepparttar 126261 real nature of our fear.

Behind our fear is an immense sadness that is an expression of a tender Heart. This tender heart can become an important source of compassion and concern for others as well as of awe and wonder aboutrepparttar 126262 mystery of life. When we connect with our tender Heart, we no longer have to be embarrassed about who we are.

There is an art and science to making a midlife transformation. First we need to recognize thatrepparttar 126263 turmoil we feel represents life working on us rather than evidence that we are weird, sick or other than we should be.

This turmoil is reallyrepparttar 126264 call ofrepparttar 126265 Heart to create a life that’s an adventure of love, courage and wisdom. Then we need reliable knowledge andrepparttar 126266 tools to put that knowledge to work.

As we give up our limited ideas of who we are and what we "should" be, we can then become sensitive to a kind of inner guidance.

Our psyche, at first, frightens us by shaking up our world entirely. It then stimulates us by pointing to some of life's most interesting possibilities.

It gets out attention by making us see that our skin is too small for who we really are. Seeing this, we can begin to revision our lives as a creative adventure that is pulled by our dreams and visions and not merely pushed from behind by our past conditioned fears.

After many years of study and work inrepparttar 126267 best ofrepparttar 126268 western and eastern psychological, spiritual and well-being traditions, I createdrepparttar 126269 Good Life Process™, a life enhancement practice that brings together ancient wisdom and cutting edge knowledge.

The Process is a powerful tool for negotiating midlife change and for creating a life that can be well lived, loved and understood.

Dr. Jim Manganiello is an award winning depth psychologist, Master coach, and meditation instructor. He works with people who want to craft their life into a work of art. Jim created the amazing, 5 part, Crafting the Good Life Course, now available at The Course features a powerful life enhancement practice, The Good Life Process™ Sign up for the Jim’s Newsletter and get Part One, Step 1 of the Process FREE.

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