Taming the Beast: Pathological Narcissism and the Quality of Life

Written by Sam Vaknin


Continued from page 1

The answer is: discipline, decisiveness, clear targets, conditioning, justice. The narcissist isrepparttar product of unjust, capricious and cruel treatment. He isrepparttar 126331 finished product off a production line of self-recrimination, guilt and fear. He needs to takerepparttar 126332 antidote to counterrepparttar 126333 narcissistic poison. Unfortunately, there is no drug which can ameliorate pathological narcissism.

Confronting one's parents about one's childhood is a good idea ifrepparttar 126334 narcissist feels that he can take it and cope with new and painful truths. Butrepparttar 126335 narcissist must be careful. He is playing with fire. Still, if he feels confident that he can withstand anything revealed to him in such a confrontation, it is a good and wise move inrepparttar 126336 right direction.

My advice torepparttar 126337 narcissist would then be: dedicate a lot of time to rehearsing this critical encounter and define well what is it exactly that you want to achieve. Do not turn this reunion into a monodrama, group therapy, or trial. Get some answers and get atrepparttar 126338 truth. Don't try to prove anything, to vindicate, to take revenge, to winrepparttar 126339 argument, or to exculpate. Talk to them, heart to heart, as you would with yourself. Do not try to sound professional, mature, intelligent, knowledgeable and distanced. There is no "problem to solve" just a condition to adjust yourself to.

More generally, try to take life and yourself much less seriously. Being immersed in one's self and in one's mental health condition is neverrepparttar 126340 recipe to full functionality, let alone happiness. The world is an absurd place. It is indeed a theatre to be enjoyed. It is full of colours and smells and sounds to be treasured and cherished. It is varied and it accommodates and tolerates everyone and everything, even narcissists.

You,repparttar 126341 narcissist, should try to seerepparttar 126342 positive aspects of your disorder. In Chinese,repparttar 126343 ideogram for "crisis" includes a part that stands for "opportunity". Why don't you transformrepparttar 126344 curse that is your life into a blessing? Why don't you tellrepparttar 126345 world your story, teach people in your condition and their victims how to avoidrepparttar 126346 pitfalls, how to cope withrepparttar 126347 damage? Why don't you do all this in a more institutionalised manner? For instance, you can start a discussion group or put up a Web site onrepparttar 126348 internet. You can establish a "narcissists anonymous" in some community shelter. You can open a correspondence network, a help centre for men in your condition, for women abused by narcissists repparttar 126349 possibilities are endless. And it will instil in you a regained sense of self-worth, give you a purpose, endow you with self-confidence and reassurance. It is only by helping others that we help ourselves. This is, of course, a suggestion not a prescription. But it demonstratesrepparttar 126350 ways in which you can derive power from adversity.

It is easy forrepparttar 126351 narcissist to think about Pathological Narcissism asrepparttar 126352 source of all that is evil and wrong in his life. Narcissism is a catchphrase, a conceptual scapegoat, an evil seed. It conveniently encapsulatesrepparttar 126353 predicament ofrepparttar 126354 narcissist. It introduces logic and causal relations into his baffled, tumultuous world. But this is a trap.

The human psyche is too complex andrepparttar 126355 brain too plastic to be captured by a single, all-encompassing label, however all-pervasiverepparttar 126356 disorder is. The road to self-help and self-betterment passes through numerous junctions and stations. Except for pathological narcissism, there are many other elements inrepparttar 126357 complex dynamics that isrepparttar 126358 soul ofrepparttar 126359 narcissist. The narcissist should take responsibility for his life and not relegate it to some hitherto rather obscure psychodynamic concept. This isrepparttar 126360 first and most important step towards healing.



Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, United Press International (UPI) and eBookWeb and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory, Suite101 and searcheurope.com.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com




Even in the Movies

Written by Ellen M. DuBois


Continued from page 1

There was a scene inrepparttar movie where Cage's character takes his wife torepparttar 126330 city for dinner because he forgot their wedding anniversary. I recognizedrepparttar 126331 restaurant immediately. It wasrepparttar 126332 one inrepparttar 126333 Twin Towers. I remember seeing it onrepparttar 126334 news and watchingrepparttar 126335 interview withrepparttar 126336 owner. The feeling of overwhelming shock and disbelief came over me again. There were extras, film crew, etc. in that restaurant duringrepparttar 126337 shoot. Never in a million years would they have thought it wasrepparttar 126338 last time they'd be there. The last time they'd ever see it again. They never dreamed it would becomerepparttar 126339 target for a mass murder.

Who would have?

Every day I am seeing how life is different. Examples likerepparttar 126340 one above clearly demonstrates this.

The next time you catch "An Affair to Remember", or "The Family Man" or any movie shot in New York City, you will be reminded of what was.

You will be reminded ofrepparttar 126341 saddest day in our history and become witness to a ghost. Ellen M. DuBois

Ellen M. DuBois, MA - Ms. DuBois is engaged and has a dog who loves to critique her work. She is published in vol.2 of God Allows U-Turns with her piece, "The Angel in the Dumpster". She writes to touch the hearts of others. Please visit Writings of the Heart, her award winning writer's resource site- http://writingsoftheheart.homestead.com/index.html


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