This job has to be important. It can’t just be some willy nilly thing, or those parts won’t take you seriously. And it has to be something that is positive, something that is vital to feeling good. Something that you couldn’t do alone.

Those critical voices might not take you up on your offer first time you talk to them. But if you let them know that they’re only ones you think are strong enough to do it, or smart enough, or that they’re ones who can do it best — and if you thank them in a real way for trying to protect you in past, and let them know that this is best way to protect you now, then those parts will, almost assuredly, come around. And you’ll have a strong team on your side. Because critical messages are very strong — but loving messages are even stronger.

* Replace Those Messages With New, Loving Ones

Criticizing yourself probably served a purpose when you were a child, maybe even helped you cope or survive. You may have thought that if you criticized yourself first, it wouldn’t hurt so much when other people criticized you. Or you may have thought it would make others criticize you less, if you were one to do it. Or perhaps you had no choice but to absorb some of things that were constantly being said about you. Whatever reason, criticizing yourself doesn’t help you now; it hurts you. And you don’t deserve to be hurt. So try to give yourself new, loving messages. Make up some new messages for yourself — and remind yourself of them all time.

This is a great job for those critical voices. Ask them to do this for you. You need their help — and they can be powerful allies. Here’s how you (or they) can do it:

Every time you hear yourself start to criticize yourself, take a moment to notice that, and then give yourself a new, loving message. It often helps to write out those messages, and put them everywhere that you’ll find them. You can also ask a friend or lover to help feed back to you those loving messages. You may need to hear those loving messages from others for a while before you’re able to start giving them to yourself. But sometimes most powerful messages come from your self.

Try to give as many loving messages to yourself as you can.

* Release Critical Messages

Try to release those critical and negative messages. You don’t deserve to be emotionally hammered. You deserve kindness, respect, and love — especially from yourself. Realize that playing critical messages in your head is a form of hurting yourself — and try to find compassion for yourself to let go of those negative thoughts.

Some people like to make a ritual out of it — a tangible act that helps them to let it go, such as writing out messages and burning or tearing them up. Others might visualize something that helps them to let it go, such as seeing negative messages as red shapes (or whatever colour you choose), and pushing that out of their body. Use whatever method works best for you.

* Be Compassionate With Yourself

More than anyone else in world, you deserve your own compassion. You are one who is with you always. And you are one who, ultimately, can hurt yourself or heal yourself most.

Withholding compassion from yourself doesn’t help you — and it doesn’t help people you love, either. The more compassion and love you’re able to give yourself, more you’re able to give others — both from your heart, and by example.

You deserve your compassion and love. You truly do. You won’t make yourself into a “better” person by criticizing yourself or being harsh with yourself. You won’t make people love you more by emotionally beating yourself up. But when you give yourself compassion, you open up your heart to yourself. You allow yourself to be all of who you are. And in blossoming into your own self, you encourage others to do same. Love is given and received more easily — and you’ll feel better, happier, and more alive. Know that you are beautiful, and just right for how you need to be, way you are.

* Forgive Yourself

Whatever you think you’ve done wrong, whatever you judge yourself for, you probably judge yourself far more harshly than anyone else ever would. Let go of that judgement. Forgive yourself for everything that you hold criticism for. We all make mistakes, every one of us. We all have times that we can’t live up to our ideals. Ideals are good things — when we remember that it’s what we’re trying to reach, through practice and growth — and that we may not always be able to reach those goals.

Let yourself be. Let yourself know that you are doing your best. And in forgiving yourself, truly and wholeheartedly forgiving yourself, those critical voices will lose some of their power, and you will find you are more beautiful than you thought.

Letting go of critical messages can be hard to do. But criticizing yourself just continues negativity that others tried to give you. It’s not route to feeling good. Giving yourself loving messages is.

You can do it. You can find a way to lessen those critical voices, increase loving messages, and eventually replace old messages with new ones so that what becomes second nature is to praise yourself, to love yourself, to have compassion for yourself. And every little step you take along way helps you, and shows your strength.

So next time you hear a critical message about yourself, take a moment to breathe, and then let that message go. Recognize beauty in your soul — and give yourself loving messages you need.

© Cheryl Rainfield, 2002 http://www.CherylRainfield.com

That job taught me a valuable lesson and I am thankful for it. I learned what I didn't want in a job and I realized that I wasn't going to be happy in a traditional work environment. I had to create a job that I liked which is what I'm doing now with Creation Journeys.

I'm not advising anyone to just up and quit their job. What I am saying is that if you're in a situation that is not working stop and figure out what problem is. For me, list of problems with my old job was enormous, there was a serious management issue going on and right people weren't doing right thing about it. For you, it might be something that can be fixed.

Try and see part that you don't like and find out what it is you do like. This applies to any situation, not just work. Take stock of situation and look for a solution. There's no point in complaining about something if you're not going to try and fix it.

We get hit with a curveball sometimes. That happens because we need to get whacked upside head every now and then. It's just a way to point us back in right direction. Yes, it does hurt sometimes but you can prevent more curveballs by paying attention to what it is you want and focusing on getting there. The more you focus, fewer curveballs. And if you're thankful for curveballs you do get and really appreciate lessons attached to them, they'll hurt less over time.