Written by Theolonius McTavish

Continued from page 1

F: Fadoodle, Fall Guy, Fair Game, Far Out, Fathead, Fizgig, Flake, Fleak, Featherbrained, Feather-Head, Flake, Flapdoodle, Flop, Flounderer, Fluke, Fly-Catcher, Flop, Fonkin, Fopdoodle, Four-oh-Four, Fruitcake, Fruit Loop, Fumbler

G: Gabes, Gadabout, Gadwall, Gaffer, Galoot, “Gates are Down,repparttar Lights are Flashing, butrepparttar 118077 Train Isn’t Coming”, Gawkhead, Gawny, Gerbil, Giddy Goat, Giddyhead, Glom, Goob, Goober, Goof, Goofball, Goof-Off, Goof-Up, Gooby, Googie, Goombah, Goomer, Goonie, Goonie Bird, Goon Head, Goopy, Gooseberry, Goose Cap, Gourd, Groutnoll, Grunt, Guddha, Gudgeon, Guffin, Guffoon, Guffy, Gull, Gumby, Gummy, Gump

H: Half-Ass, Half-Bake, Half-Wit, Harebrained, Hasher, Hayseed, Hick, Hobnail, Hobby Horse, Ho-Daddy, Hoddy-Doddy, Hoddypeak, Hood Ornament, Horrid Horn, Horse’s Arse, Hubble-Bubble Fellow, Humbler, Humpty-Dumpty, Hunk, Hussy

I: Idiot, Ignoramus, Imbecile, Innocent

J: Jabberknowl, Jack-a-Lent, Jackanapes, Jackass, Jarhead, Jerk, Jerkhead, Jester, Jibbernoll, Jingle Brains, Jobbard, Jobbernowl, Jock, Joker, Jolthead, Joltherhead, Juice Head, Jumping Jack

K: Kafkaesque, Klutz, Knobber, Knucklehead, Kook

L: Lame, Lamebrain, Laughingstock, Lights On But Nobody’s Home, Lightweight, Liripoop, Liricomtwang, Lob Cock, Log, Looby, Loon, Looney/ie/y, Looney/ie Tune, Lunie/y, Loose Screw, Loser, Low-Brow, Lubber, Lug Nut, Lummox, Lumpkin, Lunchbucket, Lunk, Lunkhead

M: Mad Hatter, Marplot, Martian, Meatball, Meathead, Melon, Melonhead, Mental Giant, Mental Midget, Mess, Mismanager, Missing Link, Mobard, Mooncalf, Moonshiner, Moony, Mopstick, Moron, Mouth-Breather, Mudcat, Mudding-Face, Muddler, Muddle-headed, Muff, Muffer, Muffin, Mundivagant, Muppet, Murphy, Musher, Mushroom, Mutt, Mutton-Head,

N: Ned Fool, Neddy, Nerd, Nerk, Newt, Nick-Ninny, Niffy-Naffy Fellow, Nigit, Nigmenog, Nimrod, Nincompoop, Ninny, Ninnyhammer, Nit, Nitwit, Nob, Nocky Boy, Nod Cock, Noddipol, Noddy, Noddy Pate, Non Compos Mentis, Noodle, Noodlebrain, Noodlehead, Noodnick/Nudnick, Not-All-There, Not-With-It, Nugget, Numbnuts, Numbskull, Numbwit, Nutbar, Nut Case, Nuts, Nutso, Nutty

O: Oaf, Oddball, Odd Fish, “Off One’s Trolley or Rocker”, Oolfoo, Onionhead, Out-To-Lunch

P: Paper Skull, Pig Widgin, Pillock, Pinhead, Pintail, Pipsqueak, Pixilated, Plodder, Plump-Pate, Poggle, Pointy-Head, Poop, Poop Noddy, Poor Fish, Potato-Head, Powder-Puff, Prawn-Head, Prat, Prick, Pronk, Puggly, “Pull a Boner”, Pumpkin Head, Push-Over

Q: Queer Bird, Queer Fish, Quince

R: Rabbit, Rattlehead, Rockhead, Rube, Rustic

S: Sap, Sap-Pate, Sawney, Scatterbrained, Schlemiel, Schlepper, Schmuck, Schnook, Screwball, Screw Up, Screwy, Shallow Pate, Short Stop, Shot Clog, Silly Willy, Simp, Simpkin, Simple Simon, Simpleminded, Simpleton, Slow-on-the-Uptake, Smerf, Sockhead, Sophead, Spoiler, Square Brain, Stooge, Stoop, Stupe, Stupid as an Ox, Sucker

T: Teabag, Thickhead, Thickskulled, Thick-witted, Tirliry-Puffkin, Toady, Tom Doodle, Tomfool, Tom-Farthing, Torpid, Turkey, Twerp, Twillip, Twit, Twizzle Stick, Two Left Feet

U: Unconnected, Under-Achiever

V: Vortex of Vacuousness, Vapid Vixen, Vegetater, Vestigial Remnant, Vulgarian

W: Wacky, Wall-Hugger, Wally, Was-Bird, Wash-Out, Weener, Weenie, Weeny, Weeney, Whack-a-doo, Whack Job, Whaco, Whiffet, Whifflegig, Whifflling, Wipe-Out, Wiener, Wienie, Wierdie, Wierdo, Wierdy, Windbag, Wind Sock, Wind-Sucker, Wingnut, Wiseacre, Whoop-Dee-Doer, Witless, Witling, Womble, Woodcock, Wooly Crown

Y: Yahoo, Yap, Yard Bird, Yawner, Yawper, Yapper, Yea and Nay Man, Yisser, Yob, Yobbo, Yokel, Yoo-Hoo, Yo-Yo

Z: Zany, Zelda, Zero, Zilch, Zip, Zipalid, Zipperhead, Zipperlid, Zombie, Zuggers, Zwodder

* * *

Theolonius Mctavish, (an irreverent iconoclast with a penchant for pink elephants, Virgos with Cancer rising, and glow-in-the-dark hoola hoops), can often be found lounging about in the Court of The Quipping Queen at

my first day as the Easter Bunny

Written by keith merritt

Continued from page 1

Someone escorts me torepparttar set, because, did I mention, you can hardly see anything from insiderepparttar 118076 bunnyhead. The whole outfit is like a man onrepparttar 118077 moon spacesuit, on whichrepparttar 118078 big, clear face bubble has been spray painted almost completely over by mischievous aliens. You can see straight ahead through two big eyeholes, but there’s a sort of black fog over everything because you’re looking through mesh. There’s a surreal quality to it, children waving, bunny smiling, as volcanic ash slowly falls from Mount St. Helens. Later. Atrepparttar 118079 set. Waving, dancing, holding ontorepparttar 118080 lapels of your tiny Easter bunny vest, playing ‘peek a boo, blowing kisses, more waving, lots of waving. And some kids are happy and some are scared, some stunned atrepparttar 118081 weirdness of it all. When you sit inrepparttar 118082 bunny suit, your hard little bunny tail will wedge itself uncomfortably up your butt. So if you notice your Easter bunny adjusting his tail before he sits, you know why. There’s a little fan low torepparttar 118083 ground, blowing sweet air up, and if you angle it just rightrepparttar 118084 breeze flows inrepparttar 118085 crack at your neck, and cools you down. Still later. I realize it’s only kids here, kids as customers, kids in charge. So I start to pushrepparttar 118086 envelope. Making bunny gang signs at kids too old and tough to sit on my lap. Saluting security guards, clapping when pretty girls walk by, makingrepparttar 118087 curvy hourglass figure with my hands, imitating people on cell phones, one furry hand clapped to my big ear, repparttar 118088 other hand gesticulating wildly. Peek-a-boo, that’s my specialty. I love to play peek-a-boo with adults. No one likes it, they all walk away fast. The job is fun,repparttar 118089 kids are cute,repparttar 118090 pictures are good if we can get them to look atrepparttar 118091 camera. The quintessential moment comes when I am doing something stupid, dancing, or just lolling my big fat head around, sweating profusely. I stop, I see... a movie poster. Viggo Mortensen is wielding a shiny sword, his hair blows in wild wind. He looks out proudly at a billion people who know his face, his name. That isrepparttar 118092 highest height of being an actor. And this, a faceless, sweaty clown in a bunny suit, isrepparttar 118093 lowest low. But I am strangely happy. As my shift ends, and I am escorted torepparttar 118094 ‘secret room’ to change out of my bunny suit, some kid asks me ‘are you somebody famous under there? “ I put a finger over my bunny lips and disappear behindrepparttar 118095 hidden door.

Keith is a writer and actor in Los Angeles California. He is a rabid creator and should be put down or made famous. he makes short films. puppetts, and sometimes people nervous. his latest short film can be seen at

    <Back to Page 1 © 2005
Terms of Use