Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Continued from page 1

Byrepparttar way, feel free to add to my list if you want. After all, it's not like there's someone out there with a franchise onrepparttar 118180 truth who's going to tell you, you're wrong. Trust me on this one! Just toss your togs and your thinking cap along with your blessed beliefs. Now listen up... joinrepparttar 118181 other tots inrepparttar 118182 sandbox...wiggle your toes ... and let go your nightmares for pete's sake!

** Waterclosets, Loos and Tinkle-Pantries. (Since there's no H2O here to make them work, there's not a lot of demand for them. The bad news is visitors will have to wear bloopy space suits equipped with compact wonder-waste baggies around their navels. So, suck it up all you Trekkies! Oh, and byrepparttar 118183 way, who said Mars was a five-star destination resort anyway?)

** Spinach, beans, and green garbage bags. (That means you won't find Popeye,repparttar 118184 Jolly Green Giant orrepparttar 118185 Man from Glad. Now isn't that a relief!)

** Wal-Mart, Home-Depot, andrepparttar 118186 Golden Arches. (They're still scrapping over who gets to play "King ofrepparttar 118187 Castle" back on Earth and besides, they really don't give a sweet tweet about a vertically-challenged dude named "Red Dwarf" or a bunch of red rocks for that matter.)

**Trees. (Okay, so there's no low-hanging fruit let alone a place for money to grow on. Not good news for award-winning fruitcake-makers or whackers ofrepparttar 118188 world who want to chop things down and make stuff like toothpicks, chopsticks and ready-to-assemble doll-house furniture.)

**Monarchs, Misfits and Mystics. (Without throne rooms, monarchs won't have a place to sit upon; no bars or slot machines means that hustlers and lounge lizards won't have a place to meet and greet; and inrepparttar 118189 absence of live bait, mystics won't be able to win friends and influence lost souls. Sometimes life just sucks, especially if one lives on Mars!)

**Perfectly Normal Beasts. (Large, spotted, charging sort of succulent, sweet-flavored, tender hoofed animals that are safe to skewer over a barbecue; a cross between a cow, a bull and a kind of buffalo -- only hairless, you knowrepparttar 118190 ones that gallump and grovel about onrepparttar 118191 back nine inrepparttar 118192 springtime and then disappear intorepparttar 118193 sunset inrepparttar 118194 fall. Don't ask me why they do that, they just do.)

** Women from Venus. (Without any men on Mars, there’s not a hope in hell that any women from Venus would be dumb enough to waste a trip to a pathetic planet full of red rocks ruled by a duffus named “Red Dwarf”.)


For further information onrepparttar 118195 elusive "Red Dwarf" please check out:

For all manner of important, significant and really vital stuff you should know, please refer torepparttar 118196 "Unconventional Guide to Life,repparttar 118197 Universe & Everything" at

Victoria Elizabeth, “Quipping Queen & Empress of Everything” lives in Victoria, B.C. Canada. Besides issuing potty proclamations from her virtual throne room at, HRH adores receiving greetings at: When not busy with royal duties, she earns her bread and peanut butter as a “business development consultant” (whatever that means).

Discover the Lighter Side of the Internet

Written by Jesse S. Somer

Continued from page 1

Laughter isrepparttar key to humanity reaching a higher level of consciousness. Imagine if everyone on our planet could all be happy enough in one moment to laugh atrepparttar 118179 same time. The Earth would shake,repparttar 118180 seas would rise, and allrepparttar 118181 animals would stop what they’re doing to join in. The vibration would probably cause a ripple to flow out into space affecting other planetary systems. Then, imagine allrepparttar 118182 beings ofrepparttar 118183 Universe laughing at one time. We’re talking serious celebrations! We’re talking about black holes folding in on themselves in result ofrepparttar 118184 positive energy wave forces demolishing all negative forces in their path! It’s calledrepparttar 118185 Laughter Revolution, and it might just berepparttar 118186 next step for you to take to reach that long awaited goal of happiness. Come on, take a look around, there’s a whole world of funniness just underrepparttar 118187 surface of our perceived ‘normal’ reality. We have to wake up and smellrepparttar 118188 cheese…Ohrepparttar 118189 sweet cheese.

Jesse S. Somer M6.Net Jesse S. Somer is a 'laughing boy' hoping to utilize the human-packed comedy hidden in the Internet to morph into a 'laughing man'. He also hopes to incite others to join in the Laughter Revolution that one day will spread across planet Earth.

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