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By way, feel free to add to my list if you want. After all, it's not like there's someone out there with a franchise on truth who's going to tell you, you're wrong. Trust me on this one! Just toss your togs and your thinking cap along with your blessed beliefs. Now listen up... join other tots in sandbox...wiggle your toes ... and let go your nightmares for pete's sake!
** Waterclosets, Loos and Tinkle-Pantries. (Since there's no H2O here to make them work, there's not a lot of demand for them. The bad news is visitors will have to wear bloopy space suits equipped with compact wonder-waste baggies around their navels. So, suck it up all you Trekkies! Oh, and by way, who said Mars was a five-star destination resort anyway?)
** Spinach, beans, and green garbage bags. (That means you won't find Popeye, Jolly Green Giant or Man from Glad. Now isn't that a relief!)
** Wal-Mart, Home-Depot, and Golden Arches. (They're still scrapping over who gets to play "King of Castle" back on Earth and besides, they really don't give a sweet tweet about a vertically-challenged dude named "Red Dwarf" or a bunch of red rocks for that matter.)
**Trees. (Okay, so there's no low-hanging fruit let alone a place for money to grow on. Not good news for award-winning fruitcake-makers or whackers of world who want to chop things down and make stuff like toothpicks, chopsticks and ready-to-assemble doll-house furniture.)
**Monarchs, Misfits and Mystics. (Without throne rooms, monarchs won't have a place to sit upon; no bars or slot machines means that hustlers and lounge lizards won't have a place to meet and greet; and in absence of live bait, mystics won't be able to win friends and influence lost souls. Sometimes life just sucks, especially if one lives on Mars!)
**Perfectly Normal Beasts. (Large, spotted, charging sort of succulent, sweet-flavored, tender hoofed animals that are safe to skewer over a barbecue; a cross between a cow, a bull and a kind of buffalo -- only hairless, you know ones that gallump and grovel about on back nine in springtime and then disappear into sunset in fall. Don't ask me why they do that, they just do.)
** Women from Venus. (Without any men on Mars, there’s not a hope in hell that any women from Venus would be dumb enough to waste a trip to a pathetic planet full of red rocks ruled by a duffus named “Red Dwarf”.)
For further information on elusive "Red Dwarf" please check out: http://www.reddwarf.co.uk
For all manner of important, significant and really vital stuff you should know, please refer to "Unconventional Guide to Life, Universe & Everything" at http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/
Victoria Elizabeth, “Quipping Queen & Empress of Everything” lives in Victoria, B.C. Canada. Besides issuing potty proclamations from her virtual throne room at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com, HRH adores receiving greetings at: email@example.com. When not busy with royal duties, she earns her bread and peanut butter as a “business development consultant” (whatever that means).