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-- Being old, having a very long neck, and no brain is cool (especially if you’re a “wet one” who has no compelling need for dry diapers).
-- But, stay away from folks with fins, a high-velocity squirt gun, and underwater breathing apparatus (if you value your life or want to get into Guinness Book of World Records for Longevity).
-- Telling everyone you went to school with “Tony Tuna” won’t win you any brownie points (because brownies don’t live in sea silly); so fess up…admit you haven’t got a clue who Neptune is, better yet “clam up” and behave yourself.
-- Do stop fretting about your lack of talent, skills, or business acumen, because if only thing you've mastered is how to suck and spit, you’ve either got makings of a first class slob (or else you’re a genuine geoduck)!
-- Since you’ve always fancied yourself a bit of a catch or a fine delicacy, you'll be heartened to know that in China they adore your tasty flesh in soup, in a hot pot, or fresh with a bit of tangy sauce (what a relief -- no more wimpy fries, calorie-laden burgers, or chocolate milk shakes for you)!
Oh and by way, in case you forgot, he who is able to keep his trap shut, suck wind, and bury his head in sand will always be valued by those who live in big glass huts. More to point, those who fancy a large serving of sushi or stir fry will never have to "dig deep" when you're around. Just remember -- smile and whatever you do -- refrain from drenching this melting moment in ketchup please!!
Truman Tockhole III, (a casual observer of alien artifacts, odd orifices, and strange stuff found underwater, below ground, in the refrigerator, or beneath one's bed) when he's not otherwise engaged in a daring debate with mirthful types over in the quirky queendom of quibbles and bits (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com)