(2) are hanging out in herds on back nine -- far removed from hunter-matadors (swinging golf clubs, what else!)

(3) seem to be galloping at full speed toward you

(4) are doing a lot of snorting, panting, sweating and sniffing (while galloping at full speed toward you)

(5) occasionally are found breaking wind with ease (incidentally, some fetid-oriented folk consider them a “bullish” investment opportunity)

(6) are known to enjoy lumbering forward with little momentum when happy (or perhaps sick in their tummies from eating far too many hunter-matadors)

(7) are compatible with "one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eaters" (although no one can remember their Latin name, let alone their nickname)

(8) are lurching up off their knees and standing, swaying ever so gayly and giddyly (especially if they've had one too many whiffs of grass)

(9) get a tad crimson in neck (because they simply can't abide being called, "perky", "cute" or heaven forbid, "bellicose") and

(10) show no remorse about thundering around universe and scaring pikka birds half to death, hurtling hunting-matadors all over place, and then galloping off into nothingness or vanishing into thin air (whichever comes first).

__________

For more information about Pefectly Normal Beasts, please read Mostly Harmless (by late, great British humorist, Douglas Adams).

* The Official Douglas Adams site -- http://www.douglasadams.com

* The BBC's Unconventinal Guide to Life, Universe & Everything --http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2

For those wishing to know more about Perfectly Normal Beasts, check out paltry 200 website listings devoted to this somewhat obscure topic (according to gigantic Google Guessing Gizmo http://www.google.com).

Copyright, Victoria Elizabeth, "The Quipping Queen", 2004.

Another sign I have recently noticed is that stairs have become steeper. A couple of years ago I barely noticed them. However, a conspiracy is in wind. Not only are they steeper but some unscrupulous person has added steps to all stairs in my vicinity.

We must put together a special task force immediately before any more steps are added. A danger here, and I don't want to be an alarmist, is that eventually staircases will never end and they will go absolutely nowhere.

Is it me or are people playing music much louder than they used to? I'm not sure of reason for this annoying change, but I believe someone has been slowly increasing volume, thinking nobody will notice. But I have noticed, so please stop it, whoever you are.

To compound this problem many people are talking much faster then they used to, especially under 20 group. That may explain why I never get what I order at a drive-thru restaurant.

Then, week seems to go by so much faster. I can remember when I was in school week just dragged on and on. I thought it would never end.

Now, I no sooner get adjusted to Monday and its Friday already. Whatever happens to Tuesday through Thursday? Where do those days go?

I almost forgot (my memory is not what it used to be), I would like to say something nice about losing your memory. My grandmother always said that if you could not say something nice about someone you should not say anything at all.

So, let me say something nice about marvelous phenomena of forgetfulness. Ah ... I'm sorry. I forgot what I was going to say.

Age does have its advantages: free checking, 10 percent off at most restaurants, and not remembering what you had for dinner last night which enables you to have desert two days in a row without feeling guilty.

Everybody grows old but not many people grow up. This is a major problem not only in general but also in church. Some Christians are not growing up.

The Apostle Peter was concerned about this. He writes, "But grow in grace, and in knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever. Amen." (2 Peter 3:5 KJV.)

Each day brings with it opportunities to grow. Take advantage of it today and enjoy getting older.