Hypopotamus – a short-legged, thick-skinned, under-performing vegetarian creature with limited bench-pressing abilities

Jokel – An Old World dog with a wicked sense of humor and lots of tricks up his sleeve

Kingflasher – a big name bird whose crests and crowns never cover his breast and tail discretely

Mongooser – a flat-witted, feisty-footed, posterior-pinching paramour of unknown origin

Pantelope – a graceful, butt-crack beast that lives in elevators and rides a bike to work

Pottypus – a toilet-trained, duck-billed devil from Tasmania

Scantelope – a fleet-of-foot, bare-all buxom beast (whose revealing exploits are chronicled in best-selling naturist book, “What Really Went On Behind Scenes in Garden of Eden”)

Screech fowl – a breath-taking barnyard beast that hasn’t learned when to keep his/her trap shut

Screwupworm – a two-winged whimsical creature that nuzzles in nostrils of a few nobodies as lackadaisical larva do, and then promptly engages in some serious botching activities (often with incredibly bewildering if not totally blundering results)

Scuzzard – a dirty, contemptible, shabby-looking vulture with a bad case of halitosis (but good enough to become a mood-enhancing mascot on a u-brew beer label)

Slack Widow – a spiteful, supine, and very venomous Old World Spiderwoman

Springblotch – a clean, youthful, four-footed freak of nature that makes a mess of everything

Swelldish – a pleasant-looking puffer that makes one blush at first sight

Swilldebeest – a swashbuckling species that rarely count its drinks and eats freely, greedily or to excess if given least opportunity

Titter Sucker – a boisterous bawling bird with a tipsy tongue (commonly found in Canadian wet bars)

Too-Too Titi – a la-di-da little scamp with a long tail and an engaging smile…what else!

Whopping Crane – a large, nearly extinct American bird that beats its breast, flaps its wings, and yells “Cowabunga” for no apparent reason at all

Willeye – a good-natured, willing-ready-and-able creature that spends most of its futile life swimming around in quality-improvement circles

So, if you end up in a hole-in-the-wall-place and loose your power of positive thinking – don’t forget to organize a titillating twisted tongue tournament – it’ll do wonders do bring out wonky wordpeckers who live there, not to mention odd-ball strangers.

The successful surfer will abandon bale (bale out) when roll becomes too dangerous, leaping off bale to one side or other. Do not in any circumstances abandon bale in direction of roll unless you want a large bale of hay to run over you (wipe-out). Do not jump onto your 'bale spring'.

Racing rolls: In fields where there are two or more adjacent bales, surfers race each other. This may involve using contours of land to set up converging rolls (knock-out), or a straight race. The surfers will bale out at an agreed spot to avoid hedge injuries.

Night rolling: Make sure to recce field in daylight for obvious dangers like barbed wire or bulls, rams or llamas and if night surfing, make sure you have right field.

Farmers: If you can gain co-operation of a farmer to set up a surf meet this is an advantage. Farmers may well shoot you if they find you engaging in this sport illegally, which besides being dangerous to you is destructive to their property. But at least it doesn't involve ripping foxes to shreds with dogs.

No responsibility for any injuries incurred by anyone undertaking this sport are accepted by this author.

Secrets of Creativity is a revolutionary new ebook from top internet author Simon Mitchell