So how to bring a spark of interest back to a noun like “slob”? (Note: "Slob" should not be confused with another four-letter word, “slog” as in verb 'to toil' like witches do, 'to labour' as rock stars do, or 'to work' like a dog …like rest of us do.)

The answer lies perhaps in tossing tasteless term into trashcan, (now stop snivelling ...it's just for one day). Why not take another word out for for a test drive? After all, you've got lots to choose from.

In case there's no handy-dandy dictionary nearby, here's a luscious list of light-hearted love handles to use (besides "pig" or "hog" instead of "slob" to describe your boss, best friend, or long-lost relative Aunt “P”).

-- Abbey-lubber, Afterling, -- Bawdstrot, Blob-Tale, -- Daggle-Tail, Draggletail, Dustman, Drassock, Drossell, -- Fleak, Fonkin, Fopdoodle, -- Hoddypeak, -- Looby, -- Mudlark, Mumper, -- Porknell, -- Ragamuffin,Runcy -- Srubbado, Slattern, Sloven, Slop, Snollygoster, -- Tatterdemalion, Tosspot, -- Walking Mort, Wallydraigle, Wallower, Whiffling, Whipperginnie, -- (and last but not least one of my favorite's), Yammering Yokel

Remember, mind-candy doesn’t come with any money-back guarantees – so you might want to use your new-fangled words with care, so as to avoid becoming addicted to them or being bopped over head by someone with a bigger bumbershoot or a better dictionary than you!

When it comes to choosing lovely libertines or life-time companions, "Roosters" are a rather discerning lot. Not any creature will do thank you. Just keep those fowl-challenged folk (like rambuctious, twitchy-nosed "Rabbit") well away from those ripsnorting Red "Roosters" -- pleeease!!

The best mates for "Roosters" are "Snakes". Just avoid talking about Adam and Eve, or snake in Garden of Eden apple; it spoils Rooster's appetite. And whatever you do, make sure you don't introduce any snake oil sales associates, snake charmers, and snakes in grass ... or there will be hell to pay! If you don't know any venomless serpents, try "Oxes". Every "Rooster" needs to find a beautiful if not brave beast of burden willing to plod along affectionately, and not to complain too loudly about having to share a load of smelly organic material from barnyard of life.

And as a final note, in order to keep your rooster happy, just follow these three things:

1. Let them be Cock of Walk/Wok for one day. (Heck, that’s least you can do; after all, they know how to keep time, do runway thing, and cook stir fried meals for guests -- you don’t)!

2. Listen to their cock and bull stories. (They desperately need an appreciative audience and besides, you don’t really mind being entertained by a Big Bad Rooster do you!)

3. Warm cockles of their hearts like there’s no tomorrow; you’ll have a fabulous feng-shui friend to play with for at least next 365 days, or possibly a lifetime and beyond -- provided you blow sweet nothings softly in his/her ear. (And don’t forget, this advice also works well on February 14th, "Valentine’s Day", another occasion to try out all really neat adult toys, chocolate candy kisses, and little red hearts.)

May Feng-Shui Force Be With You This Year, and before I forget ...

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY!

WISHING YOU HAPPINESS AND PROSPERITY THROUGHOUT 2005!