But that isn't all that I am. I am also Homo sapiens, proud descendant of thousands of generations of hunter-gatherer tribesmen.

We need to remind ourselves that Wicca was religion of an extremely robust hunter-gatherer culture. Humans have been hunter-gathers for 99.9% of our history, and many of world's ills today can be traced to our efforts to change that.

As an animal lover, I have always abhorred hunting, but much of that feeling comes from being a city girl. The hunters I knew for most of my life, including one unlamented ex-husband, bought six or eight cases of beer every year, drove out to a deer lease where they got drunk out of their minds and shot up woods, and a very, very few stayed sober enough to hit something besides each other and came home with a grisly trophy to hang on wall. The vast majority didn't even know what venison tasted like, and would be honestly horrified at idea of trying to cook it. City hunters, and their lack of respect for life, appalled me – and they still do.

Hunting horrified me so much as a teenager that I even tried earnestly to become a vegetarian, and damned nearly killed myself with malnutrition in process. I held a sneaking suspicion that vegetarianism was only truly decent way to live, and eating meat from supermarket was a dirty little secret addiction.

I don't have that luxury anymore. Wicca is about observation, and my body dropped some pretty major observations on me – with weight of a good-sized anvil – about four years ago. Chief among them was that if I kept eating agricultural products – namely sugars and starches – I was going to die. Cut and dried. Eating meat was no longer a matter of choice.

Wicca is about observation. My only choice to restore my health was to accept some pretty unpalatable observations, beginning with fact that I am a carnivore. And so are you, if you are Homo sapiens. You cannot escape it, and you have not evolved beyond it. The very worst thing that ever happened to your health was development of agriculture. Unless you were actually engaged in back-breaking labors of planting and/or harvest, you became sedentary, because crops tie you to one place. And if you are honest enough to hold your diet to your beliefs, you almost certainly eat foods that range from merely very bad for you to outright poisonous. And no, I am not joking. Most legumes are quite dangerous if not handled properly, yet they are touted by medical science as being most "healthy" source of protein!

In addition, higher brain development requires longer chain proteins available only from a meat diet. ADHD was almost unknown to our hunter-gatherer ancestors.

You say you do eat meat? Really? Abhorring hunting while going to store to buy your steaks is just about ultimate in self-deception.

I no longer have luxury of self-deception.

I couldn't resolve this conflict for myself and achieve any personal comfort level at all until I moved to country and met a different kind of hunter – hunter who hunts for meat, and prunes cherished herd with care. A real hunter kills quickly and cleanly. His enjoys testing his abilities in woods and pitting his intelligence against that of his prey, but he takes no pleasure in cruelty. Naturally, he enjoys fruits of hunt, often feeding his family for weeks or months on meat. If he takes a trophy, it is secondary in importance to meat unless prey was at least as dangerous as man.

Such a hunter often has more respect for life he harvests than many who claim to have never harmed a housefly or a spider, and I count several such as my close and respected friends today.

Still doubtful? Are you Wiccan? Have you ever listened – really listened – to drums? Can you honestly tell me that your heart does not pound, that you cannot feel rush of blood in your veins echoing running of King Stag with Horned Hunter close on his heels?

If you are a man, do you know wild joy of testing yourself against most difficult thing you can imagine – and winning?

If you are a woman, have you never tasted tenderness and violence of a man who wore his antlers with pride?

Have any of you, man or woman, held that big, heavy rifle in your hands and taken astonished pride in actually hitting that little bitty target that seemed so many miles away?

When God stretches out His hand to you, do you join in dance?

The God has as much place in our lives as Goddess. The wild woods, rampant sexuality, playfulness and courage are all woven into His dance. We dance with Him when we fly, when we skydive or scuba dive, when we race cars and boats – and yes, when we hunt. If we leave dance behind, we also leave behind that which makes us human. To do it, we must give up courage, and we must give up joy. If we do that, we might as well be dead.

Wicca is about attuning oneself to rhythms of nature. Wicca is about reaching way down deep in our genetic heritage and finding courage to become what we truly are, what our loving Creators always meant for us to be. Wicca is about tasting full measure of what life has to offer. There can be no compromise here. Anything less is swimming upstream against Nature, back-breaking, heartbreaking and ultimately doomed to failure.

My decision to taste hunt was not an easy one, but it is made. I am eagerly waiting for first freeze this year. Two of my most trusted friends have promised to take me on a wild pig hunt (I hate venison, and I love pork). I know I am a good shot, but I have never killed anything more sentient than a paper target. I honestly don't know if I will have strength or courage to pull that trigger, which is why I am grateful for their backup – as I do know that wild pig is very, very dangerous. But if I can work up my courage enough to do it, that pork will taste better than any other meat I have ever eaten. I will have earned it with my own skill and my own courage.

My mouth is already watering, just thinking about it.

What are you having for dinner tonight?

"When we get there we'll discover All of gifts we've been given to share Have been with us since life's beginning And we never noticed they were there We can balance at brink of wisdom Never recognizing that we've arrived Loving spirits will live together We're all swimming to other side . . ."

From "Swimming to Other Side" by Pat Humphries © 1992 Moving Forward Music May be heard on Faerie Goddess CD, Elaine Silver vocals Used with permission.

At a tiny 5'1", Kathryn A. Graham is a licensed private investigator, pilot, aircraft mechanic and handgun instructor in Texas. Also a prolific author, she has written numerous articles, short stories and a science fiction novel. http://www.kathrynagraham.com/

In terms of our current century, Hollywood hasn't helped us much, either. Sick, twisted individuals who worship evil have always existed, and sadly, I'm afraid they will for a very long time to come. They pervert Christian cross by inverting it, and sometimes, they invert our sacred symbol, pentagram, as well. Hollywood directors just can't seem to get it right, though. They consistently show evil ceremonies prominently displaying pentagram right side up.

When pentagram is displayed properly, symbolism is that of a man standing upright within a circle, meaning uprightness and spirit over flesh. In other traditions, five points represent four elements (fire, air, earth, water) surmounted by aether – or spirit. In any case, spirit is on top. Needless to say, symbolism of an inverted pentagram is obscene to us, just as symbolism of an inverted cross is obscene to you if you are a Christian. Because most Christians have seen movies in which evil ceremonies were presided over by an upright pentagram, they are upset and frightened when they meet a Wiccan wearing one. That's understandable enough, but it should be corrected by education.

Other reasons for fear again date back to medieval times. The reasons have mostly been forgotten, but fear remains. During medieval times, life was unpleasant. In fact, it was downright horrible for peasants. Christianity taught peasants that it didn't matter, that material world was to be shunned in favor of a reward in Christian Heaven. Wiccans did not, and do not, agree. I can still remember my first teacher telling me that it would be difficult to cultivate my spiritual nature until at least my basic physical needs - as in food, shelter, warmth - were met. We are taught that achieving success at another's expense is wrong (remember we are permitted to harm none!), but success in itself is actually a virtue. In medieval times, daring to hope and work for success was dangerous thinking. It might even have led to a collapse of feudalism. So Christian hatred of that tenet of Wicca was one part envy, one part fear.

Another envy/fear combination had to do with fact that Wicca is fun. The Old Religion is filled with laughter and playfulness. Our ceremonies are wonderful parties, full of happy tipsiness and flirtation. By comparison, medieval Christian practices were rather grim. Somehow, Christians who were trying to convert us had to convince us that slipping off into woods for a bonfire and a roaring good time wasn't such a good idea. Do what they would, though, they couldn't get us to give up our fun. Quite logically under circumstances, they "borrowed" from us. The use of song and chants in ritual (although why church couldn’t manage happy song, I can’t say), incense (borrowed from Mithraic ritual)– even some actual elements of ritual itself. You can hear echoes of our cakes and ale ceremony in Christian Communion. Oh, I don't doubt that Jesus of Nazareth had bread and wine during his Last Supper! That's as may be, but I don't think contents of his last meal became a central part of Christian ceremonies until Christianity clashed with Old Religion in Europe.

Where did Jesus get idea in first place? Mithras, who died following a ritual meal of bread and wine? Or cakes and ale of Old Religion? Scary question, isn't it? For record, I believe it was Mithras, as he was secret god of many of Roman troops occupying Palestine at time of Jesus of Nazareth. Nevertheless, enough Roman troops were European “barbarians” that it is just possible that some elements of our faith were known to Jesus himself.

20th Century Christian practices never struck me as being a barrel of laughs, either. Wiccans are still having fun. So there is bound to be some ongoing envy, if not outright fear.

Please do not misunderstand. I am not bashing Christians! Those who practice their faith honestly have no part in this hatred and fanaticism. Most are decent men and women, and I am proud to call many of them my friends. When Rev. Jack Harvey called for a Christian boycott of Armed Forces over this pagan worship controversy, Rev. Pat Robertson had courage to publicly withdraw from boycott and state it was wrong. I refer only to dignified lack of humor in Christian faith as it has been practiced down through centuries. It does not speak to my heart at all.

Also, if I am to be completely honest, I must admit that pagans aren’t completely innocent in dirty tricks department. The so-called Cult of Mary, which existed within Roman Catholicism for so many centuries, was actually a secret form of “safe” Goddess worship.

I wonder how many Christians know how many of their holidays were originally ours?

Samhain, our New Year celebration, when walls between worlds are at their thinnest and our beloved dead walk and feast among us, became Christian All Hallows or Halloween. One ceremony used by pagans to encourage a rich crop (although not at Samhain, which is after harvest) was sweeping of brooms over planted fields. To early Christians watching from a distance, it must have looked like witches were riding on brooms or trying to do so. Since Samhain was known to be witches’ most important holiday, witches riding on broomsticks became symbol of Halloween. Not so surprising at all.

Yule, or winter solstice, when we celebrate birth of Sun God to Mother Earth and Father Time, was borrowed for birthday of Christian Jesus. Most Christian scholars agree that Jesus was actually born in spring. The Yule log, tree, and even Nativity Crèche were originally pagan customs. If you have Wiccan friends, and you thought they were only protecting themselves by displaying a Nativity Crèche at Christmas, you were wrong. We had Nativity Crèches long before you came along to convert us!

Imbolc, our festival of light, when we celebrate start of Mother's return to us, along with birth of new lambs and flowers awakening under snow, became Christian Candlemas.

Beltane, our famous (and infamous) fertility celebration when we leap bonfires in joy at arrival of summer, became May Day, famous for playful fertility celebrations throughout Christian world.

Lammas, or August 1st, when we celebrate fruitfulness of land - well, how many Christians have celebrated rich harvest to come down through centuries?

There are many, many more examples of "borrowing."

And therein lies real root of problem.

The thing a few fanatical Christians fear most of all is being forced to admit our kinship, because after nearly 2,000 years of borrowing, we aren’t so very different anymore.

At a tiny 5'1", Kathryn A. Graham is a licensed private investigator, pilot, aircraft mechanic and handgun instructor in Texas. Also a prolific author, she has written numerous articles, short stories and a science fiction novel. http://www.kathrynagraham.com/