Now Peter and children have become even more lazy and rebellious. They subconsciously feel need to do even less. They frequently subconsciously ignore agreements that they have made with her. These are subconscious reactions to pressure and rejection they are feeling from Katherine.

Now everyone is feeling victimized. Katherine is victim of their laziness and irresponsibility, and they are victims of her bitterness, rejection and anger.

A change

As a result, Katherine is now ill. She is exhausted, in poor health, and in need of support from her family both in dealing with her illness and in getting things done around home. She asks for help, but no one can hear her. There is no space in their minds for an "ill super-woman".

They love her and care for her, but they can not hear her needs. She had never expressed weakness, fear or inability before, and this is just so foreign that they feel so uncomfortable, and cannot respond.

Katherine feels doubly hurt and abused. For so many years, she had taken care of all their needs, and now that she needs them, no one is responding.

What could they have all done to avoid this situation? What lessons do they need to learn?

Katherine: Does she need to learn that she is worthy of love and respect even if she is not a super woman? Or that she does not help others when she does their work for them or does not let them carry their own responsibilities? Perhaps she needs to learn to have faith in others? abilities or to allow others to grow through their mistakes. Does she need to learn to express her needs without complaining or accusing, and believe that it is natural that others will want to support her in fulfilling her needs? Perhaps she needs to learn how to rest when she is tired, even when everything in not perfect around her.

Peter: Is his lesson to believe in himself and his intelligence and abilities? Or could it be that his self-worth is not measured by his achievements but rather by his heart and his character? Does he need to learn to motivate himself and offer more? Does he need to work on his childhood years and free himself from false programming?

The others: Perhaps they need to learn to be more responsible and energetic in their responsibilities and work. Perhaps they ought to look at Katherine?s needs, ignore her complaints and accusations, and help her out even when she does not have faith in how they will do it. They might also need to learn to hear and respond to her needs even when she cannot express them.

What do you think?

(Adapted from forthcoming "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy. His book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at http://www.amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.

KEEP LEARNING AND GROWING

The disharmony we experience in a relationship actually is a message that we have something to learn. We would do well to analyze what we need to learn and make corresponding adjustments in our attitude toward life.

Learning and loving are two reasons for which we have incarnated into these bodies. When we stop learning or loving, our life is less meaningful. The purpose of life is to evolve in our wisdom, love, inner peace, selflessness and creative abilities. Getting stuck and refusing to grow is surest way to destroy harmony in a relationship. From a spiritual point of view, other is our teacher. His or her behavior is exactly what we need at this stage of our lives to learn something about ourselves and free ourselves from some beliefs or behaviors that are keeping us back in our evolutionary process.

We will dedicate a significant part of this book toward clarifying what we need to learn from our partner?s behaviors that disturb us.

SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES

As our spiritual growth process is basic reason for our existence in physical plane, it is logical that it will be an important part of any successful relationship. Spiritual activity is seriously missing from lives of most families today.

Families could pray or chant together. They could read and discuss spiritual texts together. They could meditate in silence together. They could serve less fortunate in society. Each home can vibrate with love and harmony.

I have unfortunately throughout years witnessed zealous spiritual aspirants who perceive their spouses, children or parents as obstacles to their spiritual growth, believing that their spirituality is dependent upon their following seminars or meditating many hours. It is true that these activities can help, but they should never be reasons to lose our love for those who might consciously or subconsciously obstruct us.

Love and selflessness are always highest forms of spirituality. Parts 3 of this series will contain following subjects: Distinguish Between Other and His Behavior. See Other as Your Teacher. Keeping Promises Unconditional Love Reaching Out Beyond Relationship Develop Your Own Relationship with Divine.

(Adapted from forthcoming "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy. His book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at http://www.amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.