Continued from page 1
"Have you had your prostate checked?" "Only by attractive women, ha ha." "Drop your pants, bend over,
further you bend less discomfort you'll feel. Feels okay to me." Well, that made one of us.
I found this back door examination of my prostate to be very unpleasant and it did nothing to improve my attitude about having a colonoscopy. After I gave a blood sample I went home and took a long shower.
I guess many potential victims change their minds. I base this on speed in which I was scheduled. I was on table within ten days.
The day before "invasive procedure" I had to drink a gallon of "Go Lightly" (what a misnomer, Go Explosively would be more accurate) and avoid solid foods. During a six hour period I drank and discharged gallon plus contents of my gastrointestinal system. After first half dozen visits to bathroom (there were a total of 23) I would drink evil potion within a few feet of bathroom door. (Don't plan on any other activities while drinking this stuff.)
I was emptied with twelve hours to go before my appointment at hospital. Continuing fast was no problem as my soreness had convinced me I never wanted to eat again.
No liquids after midnight. No coffee in morning! Lost 8 pounds and had to be at hospital at 6:30 a.m. The hospital requires you to bring an adult, ostensibly to drive you home, but I suspect it's really so you'll show up. (Mrs Stupidman, happily, volunteered to accompany me.)
Every nurse, receptionist, orderly, armed guard and doctor assured me that purging was much worse than procedure. It might have been more convincing if one of nurses had not asked me about my religious affiliation (last rites).
Sat around for an hour before changing into one of those stupid hospital gowns. An I.V. was stuck in my hand, an oxygen tube stuck up my nose and sensors stuck on my chest. The doctor walked in and talked to me for a minute or two. I opened my eyes and was in a different room.
That was it. It was over. I had no pain. I was a little groggy and had missed out on two hours of my life. I was told I sang a song or two during procedure but I don't remember anything. They said they found a polyp and cut it out (polyps sometime become cancerous but mine turned out to be benign). I got dressed, went home, watched part of a movie then used my riding lawnmower for two hours.
The only evidence I had that anything happened was my butt was greasy.
Because they found a polyp I'm supposed to go back in three years. Big deal. The worst part, other than first doctor giving me prostate exam, is cleaning yourself out day before.
From what I understand, colon cancer is very preventable but pretty incurable if you ignore symptoms and let it get a big headstart.
With hindsight (I can joke about it now), I probably should have done it a couple of years ago when I first rationalized occasional redness in my stool. I know my niece, fireman and their children wish he had it checked out a few years earlier.
If you want more information, send a blank email to doesithurt@stupidman.par32.com
Stupidman's 50 year good health warranty expires.
