Stop Scoring Own GoalsWritten by Graham and Julie
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If your self esteem is low you may find that your encounters and relationships are built on a Lose/Win scenario. In these relationships one person gives in all time to enable other person to Win. It may be masked in phrase, ‘I don’t want to cause any trouble’ or ‘I don’t mind what happens, you make decision’. How many times do you make people feel sorry for you? Classic I Lose you Win behaviour. You give away all your power all time and I wonder why you don’t achieve anything and feel unhappy all time. In our experience most destructive relationship is one based on Lose/Lose. On these occasions a person enters relationship or conversation with mindset that if I can’t win no one is going to. This behaviour is very destructive. When playing football or any other team sport do you see yourself as participating in a competition of winning and losing? Or do you see it as I am a player in a team with a role to play and my job is to achieve my personal best in this situation? After a major race or game question a professional sportspersons asks themselves or their coach is, ‘Did I perform to or beat my personal best this time’? The most important question to ask is: Did I perform my personal best on this occasion? Winning is not issue. What matters is did I perform or exceed my personal best? The Own Goal is scored when we don’t know what our personal best is. We have no measure on our performance and so we tend to take decisions in life that take us away from Win/Win relationships. Win/ Win for us is living in my personal best, result is I play better, team plays better and best team on day wins. Forth Own Goal "If you understood power of your thoughts you would be frightened to think" a wisdom keeper once told me. In other words your power is in your thoughts. Your thoughts drive your actions. So, get your thoughts right and correct actions must follow. In context of this article, correct thoughts are about you. How do you see yourself? How do you see others? One way of changing way you think is to treat your brain and thinking process in same way gardeners treat their gardens, In other words do some ‘Gardening of Brain" If you are a gardener first thing you do is take stock of garden. Identify flowers, cultivated shrubs etc and weeds. If you are new to gardening first job is to identify which are flowers and which are weeds. Now do same with your thoughts: Which of your thoughts would you classify as Weeds? What behaviours would you classify as weeds in your life? If you are a Gardener you would now dig out and remove weeds and replace them with your favourite flowers. Which of your thoughts are your favourite flowers? Which behaviours would you transplant as your favourite flowers? The system to stop scoring own goal is to Recognise, Remove and Replace all negative and unhelpful thoughts. Recognise, Remove and Replace all thoughts that stop you achieving your focus. Conclusion Most of things we do are HABITS. I have a focus which is built on capabilities rather than capabilities are found to help me achieve my focus. I run my life on what I think I want rather that what I need. I build relationships on competing with others or giving in to others rather than trying to beat my personal best. I spend time admiring and developing weeds in my garden rather than replacing them with flowers. All you have to do is change them. In this article we have suggested that you will have a more productive and happier life if you change to your natural way. In other words instead of learning a new technique, just unlearn your present thought patterns and behaviour by doing what comes naturally. Focus on achieving your potential. Focus on what you really need in life. Focus on achieving your personal best at all times. Focus on being a flower rather than a weed. Each time you catch yourself not thinking in this way, you will have scored another own goal. Graham and Julie www.desktop-meditation.com
Graham and Julie live in the Canary Islands where they pursue their love for writing, photography and spirituality. See their work at www.desktop-meditation.com
| | It's All About A JourneyWritten by Josh Hinds
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Take small, bite-sized breaks to ponder those happy memories that you've collected in your life. Then, make it a point to build new ones as well. BEING REALISTIC Let's face, though. We do "get down." I believe we need to acknowledge that reality. People will hurt or disappoint us. Our hearts will be broken. We may have to deal with a variety of losses. Unfortunately, life is not all smiles, and I believe a part of being happy means understanding and accepting reality of "hard times." BEWARE OF STAYING THERE TOO LONG We need to be aware of a danger in acceptance process. And danger is creating our own soap operas. It is simply not healthy to review our own sad stories again and again -- like replaying a very sad day on one of soaps. When we dwell too long on "sad things" we relinquish to them a power they were never meant to have: power to keep our mental controls on same channel in our minds. I have learned that I don't want to give that kind of power to things I have no control over. Instead, I need to remind myself that I can choose happiness. IT'S NOT EASY! Deciding to move forward and choosing happiness over sorrow is a tough choice. Sometimes I feel as though I'm fighting an uphill battle -- and you will too! At times we may feel that dark clouds may never give way to sunshine. It is at those very moments that we have to remind ourselves of power we do possess. It is power of choice. I have discovered that somewhere in midst of whatever chaos may surround us we can... Choose happiness over despair, Hope over hopelessness, Joy over continual sadness, And a smile over a frown. SO HAVE AT IT! Practice making this choice by doing things that make you smile, as well as bring joy to others. When you share kindness it always finds its way back to you.May your life be filled with much happiness, Josh Hinds
Written by Josh Hinds of http://www.GetMotivation.com Sign up for my ezine at http://www.GetMotivation.com/ezines.html Josh is also the co-founder of http://www.AudioMotivation.com - which includes an abundance of self-improvement resources as well as exclusive audio interviews with leading experts in the areas of motivation and personal development.
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