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It’s amazing how one fact like learning how calories are measured can make so many other things fall into place. Based on that knowledge, one could offer an explanation for one of strangest mysteries affecting human beings -- spontaneous combustion. I’m willing to wager that if investigators carefully checked area next to easy chair where victim had burst into flames, they'd find a half-eaten chocolate éclair or cream-filled doughnut. That last rush of calories was probably just what it took to send that poor person's body over edge. The result? A pile of ash, and a half-eaten bear claw.
Based on my research, here’s my recommendation: I call it my "Don't Boil Over" diet. You can eat all you want, as long as it doesn’t contain enough calories to push your temperature above 212 degrees Fahrenheit. And be careful not to drink too much hot stuff while you’re eating, since you never know when you might be going too far. And one last caution: by all means, if you smell smoke, back off!
There you have it. Feel free to pass it on to your friends, especially those who’ve looked like they might be smoldering from time to time. Who knows? You just might be saving them embarrassment of bursting into flames at next church potluck.
© 2004. Gary E. Anderson. All rights reserved.
Gary Anderson is a freelance writer, editor, ghostwriter, and manuscript analyst, living on a small Iowa farm. He’s published more than 500 articles and four books. He’s also ghosted a dozen books, edited more than 30 full-length manuscripts, produced seven newsletters, and has done more than 800 manuscript reviews for various publishers around the nation. If you need writing or editing help, visit Gary’s website at www.abciowa.com.