4. Spanking shows your kids that "might makes right”

Adults make mistakes in their lives too, right? Can we use our imaginations and feel what it would be like for someone four times our size to pick us up and swat us on butt? What would we learn from that? Would we feel any injustice? You can bet that your kids are feeling some.

5. Spanking isn't effective in long run

Parents who are asked why they spank will report that they use it to "teach their kids a lesson," or so they won't misbehave again. Many kids who are spanked will go underground with their misbehavior and become more cunning to avoid being caught. (Wouldn't you?) If you're spanking your kids fairly often, doesn't this show that it's not working very well?

I don't believe that kids who are spanked occasionally are ruined for life. Nor do I believe that spanking is necessary to discipline a child. There are countless examples of disciplined and responsible young people who were never spanked by their parents.

Parents who don't spank their kids use time outs, re-directing, or distracting with their kids. They can pick their kids up and let them cool down, or simply leave area themselves so they don't do something they'd regret later.

While these methods aren't always perfect, they help to form foundation of a certain kind of household: One in which violence is not "taught" as a means to better behavior.

After all, we live in a world that's filled with violence.

Can't we provide a place for our kids where there isn't any?

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and husbands. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

If you’re planning on getting married someday, be aware of what your emotional issues are. And if you don’t know what your issues are, you may be most likely candidate for a divorce down road.

3.Be Kind, Not Right—We tend to have a tremendous stake in showing our loved ones that we’re right. An enormous amount of time is wasted in our relationships by arguing over who’s right or wrong.

This excessive arguing is just an indication of our low self-esteem. A much easier and more effective way to be in a relationship is to commit to kindness. When you’re kind, you don’t need to be right. And it’s much easier for others to be with you!

There certainly are both justifiable divorces and “well-done” divorces that are respectful of kids involved. But number of divorces involving childish and irresponsible decisions based on self-interest is staggering.

Children deserve more than this. To allow a system to continue that has half of our kids witnessing their parent’s divorce is to turn our backs on our most precious commodity.

It’s time to consider alternatives. Let’s look at how we can spend more time educating and training young people about relationship skills and emotional intelligence. Let’s look at fact that in about 80% of divorces in this country, only one of participants (usually woman) wants to end marriage. Can we keep no-fault divorce as it is?

And most importantly, let’s look at our own attitudes about commitment and decide what we want to do.

Because cost of not doing these things is beyond measure.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is a certified personal Coach and the author of “Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/saveyourmarriage.htm Sign up for his free newsletter, “Dads Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.