Should Women Fake It?

Written by Devlyn Steele


Continued from page 1

In his 1996 book, Contemporary Interpersonal Theory and Research, Donald Kiesler provided us with a behavior concordance model which explainsrepparttar Interpersonal Reflex Principle. This basically states that much of our interpersonal behavior is designed to elicit predictable responses from those with whom we interact. These actions put into motion a cycle where one’s behavior is constantly confirming, recognizing, validating and influencingrepparttar 130171 behavior of others. Sounds complicated but it is not. In essence we are training people what we like and don’t like.

A dog, for example, repeats good behavior rewarded. However, if you reward a dog for unwanted behavior like begging atrepparttar 130172 table,repparttar 130173 dog will repeat that behavior and always beg. To fake an orgasm is to confirm to your partner that what they were doing was good. This creates a positive feeling in your partner and they will do more ofrepparttar 130174 same. Unlikerepparttar 130175 dog, training your partner to perform this trick will not leave you begging for more.

Trying to breakrepparttar 130176 cycle will confuse your partner creating doubt. Your partner will lose confidence and never know when to trust you, is he pleasing you or not? When this happens sex will only get worse andrepparttar 130177 relationship strained.

“To answerrepparttar 130178 question should women fake it? No! Never fake it.”

Problems, as much as we would like them to, do not just go away. The longer you go without confronting and handling them,repparttar 130179 bigger they become. Sexual dissatisfaction is one ofrepparttar 130180 leading causes of couples splitting up. The number one reason for sexual dissatisfaction is lack of communication. Forgoing communication and opting to simply fake it will only widenrepparttar 130181 gap between you two and ultimately ruinrepparttar 130182 relationship.

It is vital that you develop a level of communication with your partner that allows for frank and honest about sex talk. But, how do you tell your partner what turns you on? First setrepparttar 130183 ground rules between yourselves that sex talk is healthy, fun and in no way to be taken in an offensive manner, then:

Talk during sex. Don’t be afraid of hurting your partner’s ego by takingrepparttar 130184 time to teach them what brings yourepparttar 130185 most pleasure. Men in particular are very eager and happy students in this area. Just relax. It is ok to ask, “Do you like this?” or “How does this feel?” By all means, if you are asked such questions, be honest with your answers: “Yes, that feels good.” or, “I liked it when you did this instead” and, “It really turns me on when you do this.” Never ask after sex, “Was it good?” I can tell you that no one likes to be asked this question. File it underrepparttar 130186 same category as “Do I look fat in this?”

Talk about sex when you are not having sex. Ask questions and keep learning more about each other. Tell each other your fantasies and be willing to explore them, within reason. Opening and maintaining these communication lines will make you both more comfortable aboutrepparttar 130187 subject. Talking can also serve to build excitement as prolonged foreplay.

Buy books and explore together. Here is another peculiar aspect. We want sex, think about sex and are bombarded with it all over television, movies and advertisements. Oddly, very few of us study anything about it. A man will invest an exorbitant amount of time learningrepparttar 130188 parts of an engine or memorizing sports stats, but spends zero time learning aboutrepparttar 130189 female orgasm. Both women and men should take every opportunity to become students of sex together. Not only is it very sexy to learn together, you will both benefit from it greatly inrepparttar 130190 long run.

If you are in a relationship, starting a new one, or looking to get into one, learn that ultimately communication isrepparttar 130191 key to building a healthy and enjoyable sex life together. Let us do away with this notion that it is somehow wrong or shameful to talk openly about sex or that you can offend each other. I find it interesting that couples can be intimate with each other, yet feel uncomfortable discussingrepparttar 130192 intimacy. So, talk, learn, teach and, most importantly, have fun!



Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life Coach. A Columnist as well as radio host. Devlyn has also developed ToolsToLife.com. As a Relationship-Coach Devlyn has created the OnlineDatingKit.com which teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own and offers a complementary e-book at no cost on “How To Choose The Right Dating Site For You.”




Rape Defense Training and One Woman's Crusade - Susan's Story (Part 1)

Written by Jeffrey M. Miller


Continued from page 1

"Of course," he said. "But it's my job to protect her." Allrepparttar while his companion snuggled close to him, nodding in agreement, but abviously avoidingrepparttar 130169 committed look in Susan's determined eyes.

"But, you can't protect her," was Susan's reply.

"Can't protect her?" The very words stab into a man's ego andrepparttar 130170 look on her target's face told me that this was a sensitive issue and one that was not open for discussion. Because for him, and most men in general, protecting one's loved-ones is not a possibility, it's a given.

But, Susan was unstoppable. "How much time are you with her in an average day?" was Susan's next question. "Do you work? Does she? Because," continued this little woman with fire in her heart, "unless you're with her every day, allrepparttar 130171 time, you can't even begin to say that."

Then, came Susan's personal story of trajedy inrepparttar 130172 face of what she had held to be true for her entire life. Everything she had been taught: good girls don't have to worry about rape, onlyrepparttar 130173 pretty or promiscuous girls get raped, if it does happen just give him what he wants and you'll be fine; every belief she could think of that supported her self-assurance that 'she' was not and never would be a target, was shattered and crushed byrepparttar 130174 reality she had never been taught and for many women, never accepted.

She toldrepparttar 130175 couple that, prior to her attacker's brutal assault, she too heldrepparttar 130176 beliefs that she was hearing from them. She told them that their answers were not unique. She heard them from just about everyone, everywhere she went. But, as Susan found out, these answers where only providing a false sense of security - security that had at it's foundation not stone and mortar, but toothpicks and glue. And, if her listener's did nothing to correct those beliefs, they would find themselves inrepparttar 130177 same condition she was left in by her attacker - used, confused, and feeling empty and lost, with nowhere to hide.

As Susan's story went on, we find thatrepparttar 130178 physical wounds from rape heal very quickly compared torepparttar 130179 invisible scarring that, like seeds waiting for Springtime, lies dormant underrepparttar 130180 surface - hidden fromrepparttar 130181 world - untilrepparttar 130182 right time. Because, as Susan pointed out, what she didn't know about rape combined with what she didn't know about how her body would respond to it, caused her more hurt and suffering inrepparttar 130183 long term thanrepparttar 130184 actual physical act itself.

Susan told her listeners that, she did not resist her attacker. After all, he just wanted sex, right? It's just aboutrepparttar 130185 sex. She did not resist, consciously. Well, not until he started beating her.

Susan's story showsrepparttar 130186 truth that rape is not a crime of sex, it's a crime of violence. I know you've heard this before. It'srepparttar 130187 cornerstone ofrepparttar 130188 whole rape-prevention educational system today and is atrepparttar 130189 forefront of programs given by rape crisis centers in most places inrepparttar 130190 world. And, while this is notrepparttar 130191 truth in every case, especially in date rape and rape involving college girls whererepparttar 130192 man really does wantrepparttar 130193 sex and is willing to get it by force, in Susan's case, her assailant didn't want sex forrepparttar 130194 pleasure of sex. No, to him, sex was a weapon to dominate, humiliate, and control a woman because it attacks her at her very core. To a rapist, sex is a tool that, when used in this way, violates that one part of a woman's body and her inner-self that she believes she has complete control of.

************************************

In part 2, you'll get a glimpse ofrepparttar 130195 aftermath of Susan's experience, her discoveries and eventual realization that both allowed her to recover and re-introducerepparttar 130196 family members and other male friends she had alienated back into her life. I hope you've been able to learn something from this story up to this point. To read part two of Susan's story and find out how it changed me and my approach to teaching self-defense to both men and women, go here.

Jeffrey M. Miller is the founder and master instructor of Warrior Concepts International. He specializes in teaching the ancient ways of self-protection and personal development lessons in a way that is easily understood and put to use by modern Western students and corporate clients. To learn more, visit his website at www.warrior-concepts-online.com


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