You saw clearly signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke contract of marriage; it was act of betrayal. Spying does not damage marriage. It is an attempt to seek truth and resolve pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp reality of situation. It’s intent is to find truth. Only truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving hurt, pain and forging a direction for marriage and enable each person in marriage to attain health and sanity.

There are many possible reasons for a discrepancy in desire between partners. The first is biological. As I mentioned in statistics above, more than twice as many women than men have problems with sexual desire. This is because after infatuation phase of relationship, when hormones are running rampant, things settle down to natural biological rhythms. And biologically speaking, whoever has most testosterone has most desire.

Hmmm…. I wonder which gender that is!

Other reasons relevant to both genders are performance anxiety, emotional pain in relationship, coerced intimacy, sex used as a bartering tool, lack of time, lack of energy, and fear of intimacy to name a few. These can be helped with an understanding therapist.

What you should do: first get complete medical exams to rule out any type of disease or medication causing problem.

What you can do: see a relationship expert or sex therapist who can help you experience pleasure and joy of intimate connection. You deserve no less.

Maggie Vlazny, MSW, LCSW copyright 2005 www.therapyct.com