That happened thirteen years ago. And today I heard of his death. He was twenty years my senior but I still thought that he was rather young to meet his creator. He has brought along to his grave secret that we both shared.

Oh…No, I have not forgiven. This man whom my parents trusted and whom I regard as an uncle has shattered my youthful spirit, my dignity and my whole life.

If only my parent’s, teachers and friends knew why I misbehaved, probably they would feel more compassionate. But I can’t bear to tell my mom. It would break her heart. And dad was never around. And when he was it was like I did not exist.

My soul weeps in pain. There I was, a ten year old girl who has not even physically developed myself into a woman. There was nothing about me that would have enticed anyone sexually.

I felt I was not worthy enough for anyone, not even myself. I punished myself by having illicit affairs. I did drugs and almost took my own life. And I when I awakened on hospital bed, I was still fully alive. As years went by, I was only a few steps away from a correction home or jail.

It was a long and painful journey to remove guilt and shame that I carried with me. It was a journey of pain and sufferings, of identifying my personality and my sense of self.

It was courage, determination and a decision to fight back that brought me back my life. I have punished myself enough and I was destroying my life more than what he did to me. I finally admitted that it was not my fault. I was one of unfortunate children to have to go through sexual abuse.

No amount of crying and punishing myself would bring back what could have been.

Affirmation can be learned and practiced even if you feel it is not your personality to be so verbal about things you see. You can write notes, send cards and even use e-mail to call out best in others. How do you see best? Start with little things like, "I love way you helped that old gentlemen through door." Another example may be, "You are so good with making people feel comfortable around you." Begin to ask God for insight and revelation for people around you. You will have so much fun watching people respond to positive feedback from you. When you begin to love people in this way, it becomes addictive and it is not flattery. Afterall, God is same way with us if we just listen. He is our biggest cheerleader, and we don't have to depend on people, parents, friends or coworkers to affirm us. If we just listen, we can hear him cheering us on. Note: It is important to be truthful about positive things you say about others, otherwise it is flattery and that is unproductive. Love someone today by expressing to them something positive you see, and you will find yourself becoming a more influential person and a better leader.

Read next month's article called,

"Confrontation - The Life-Giving Way"

5 Practical Tips is "LEARNING TO AFFIRM"

1. Identify - Take time to think about someone and decide what you appreciate about them.

2. Specify - No generalizations, be to point.

3. Qualify - Communicate how they have made an impact in your life.

4. Amplify - Shine light on others in public, not just when you are alone.

5. Be Generous - Never take credit for things that you can give away. (Take every opportunity to relenquish or reward to someone else.)

*Don't forget to exercise this with family first! We have not been successful in anything if we have not been successful at home!

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