Here's what I learned...

1. I can never don my Lara Croft/Wonder Woman alter-ego again now that I've seen them locked together in alt.sex.binaries.lesbian.actionheroes in a bout of no-holes-barred lovemaking.

2. Acts I consider sexually extreme and taboo, many people consider warm-up.

3. I will never use a public restroom or changing room again. I will never wear a skirt in public again. I will never look at many salad ingredients same way again.

4. Certain professions should strictly enforce a much earlier mandatory retirement age.

5. Everything is a sex toy to someone... EVERYthing.

6. I found Howard Sprague's private diary online. Goober and Floyd I always suspected, but Otis, Barney, how could you?

7. Bondage is a cottage industry. I'm not sure what BDSM is, but it looks pretty damn uncomfortable.

8. I accidentally learned how Vinnie, my pizza delivery kid, made ends meet before landing his present gig.

9. Some things are better left unshaven.

10. She-males are damnedest thing since Mike Headless Chicken.

THE GODS OF INTERNET MARKETING

Adult website marketers are most in-your-face, take-no-prisoners, knock-down drag-out rock 'n roll marketers on earth. If I could sell software way they sell sex, I'd be living on my own island.

IN PRAISE OF CENSORSHIP

Frankly, I very much oppose adult content on internet. I think it should be legislated out of existence. Here's why:

Sex is fire in belly of civilization. If we allow it to become so commonplace that everyone gives up hot and frenzied pursuit of it, then humanity will just go sit on couch and watch pro wrestling. And then where will we be?

Sitting on couch watching pro wrestling, that's where!

3) Ants: http://www.ants.com

Another auction-like site where you bid on projects that interest you. Categories of jobs are more limited but you can make money telling all your friends about this great service.

4) eWork Exchange: http://www.eworkexchange.com/

Part of registration involves building your online resume which can be added to by creating a skill profile to go with it. Searching for projects is simple. When you see something you like you can e-mail project owner with your comments through use of a private profile number. You won't receive any direct contact information until you accept project. eWork boasts they have over 170,000 members

5) Free Agent: http://www.freeagent.com/

Claiming over 100,000 members, this is another one getting a lot of press. Upon registering you have to fill out a lengthy form detailing your skills and qualifications. They don't use open bidding, but you can search for projects by category. Free Agent uses a skill-matching engine that matches your skills with possible employers. Your name is then sent to them so they can contact you and work out money details.

So next time your business is slow and you're not quite sure where your next paycheck is coming from, browse through these sites and you'll have a "gig" in no time at all!