Sequnned Suits & Platform Boots

Written by Sharon Jacobsen

Continued from page 1

Hold on a second. Don’t open that cupboard or everything’ll fall out. It’s just full of old ‘Jackie’ and ‘Popswop’ magazines and old games. What games? Oh, y’know,repparttar usual sort of thing… mousetrap and ker-plunk are in there, and I think I’ve still got Twister. There’s a pair of clackers in there too, but mum doesn’t like me using them. She says they’re dangerous, that you can break your fingers with ‘em, but I think it’s justrepparttar 118208 racket they make that she can’t stand. Look… please don’t open it…. Oh no! You’ve gone and found my old Cindy dolls. No, I don’t play with them anymore, but I haven’trepparttar 118209 heart to chuck ‘em either. I used to have a Tiny Tears doll too y’know, but my so-called friend pulled her head off. If you fed her a bottle of water she actually peed herself.

Look, why don’t we just listen to some music? I’ve got a cassette player onrepparttar 118210 shelf and I’ve taped some really good tracks off my albums. We only have a radiogram downstairs so I can’t do any direct taping, but holdingrepparttar 118211 microphone close enough torepparttar 118212 speakers works pretty well. That’s how I get music offrepparttar 118213 radio y’know. The radiogram sods up your records a bit, but only because ofrepparttar 118214 stacking. When you keep dropping them down on each other they end up scratched. It’s always a laugh playing a 33rpm album at 45 though. Ours has 75rpm on it too, so mum can play her old Mario Lanza LPs. I wish she wouldn’t though. Dad says he’s gonna get a proper music centre, one with a clear vinyl lid, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Here’s a good cassette. I’ll just pop it on. That’srepparttar 118215 dog barking inrepparttar 118216 background, but you can still hearrepparttar 118217 music ok. I’m a bit fed-up with Sweet now coz my mate kept playing Ballroom Blitz over and over for two whole days, so I’ll just fast forward past that one. There, Alvin Stardust’s better. Oo, oo, my cooca choo… nah nah nah. The Glitterband arerepparttar 118218 best though. They’re Gary’s backing band but have become quite famous in their own right since releasing Angel Face. The drummer’s drop dead gorgeous. Oh… justrepparttar 118219 thought of those biceps! I’ve been to a few of their concerts y’know and met a couple ofrepparttar 118220 band. Not Pete though, I'm still working on that. It’s dead easy to find our where pop stars live – you just look ‘em up inrepparttar 118221 phone book. Hardly anybody’s ex-directory. I bet they’ve got those cool-looking tow-tone Trimfones too.

Oh don’t put that tape on. It’s just old Jackson 5 and David Cassidy stuff. Y’know, somebody predicted that Michael Jackson’s skin would eventually turn white but I don’t believe it. Here… put this one on instead. It’s full of Rubettes, Mud, Wizzard and T-Rex. Did I tell you about my mate’s big sister’s friend? Evidently she’s a Rubette groupie! Her and her mate follow them around on tour and sleep with them after concerts. Can you believe that? I’d call them slappers butrepparttar 118222 term hasn’t been invented yet so tarts’ll have to do. Some ofrepparttar 118223 boys would probably call them slags but I hate that word.

Anyway, I’ve gotta go out soon. My dad’s driving me round to my mate’s house in his Cortina (I wish he’d get a Capri) cos we’re going torepparttar 118224 pictures to see “Stardust” tonight. David Essex is in it y’know. Oh, he’s got gorgeous eyes! I hung some furry dice in my dad’s car once, but he took them out. The man just doesn’t have taste!

If you fancy visitingrepparttar 118225 70s again, you’re welcome to pop round any time. I probably won’t be in, but mum’ll look after you. You might have to sit and watch “The Golden Shot” with her though, if you can put up with Bob Monkhouse that is.

Now where did I put my Yardley perfume…..?

Sharon grew up in East London but moved to Norway at the age of 19, returning to England in 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her partner and two of her three children. Besides writing, she is currently studying Social Science with The Open University, runs a web site where women in the UK can meet other women for platonic friendship (, potters in her garden, reads and generally tries to enjoy life. Sharon can be contacted at

Writing Fiction to Get Rich

Written by Michael LaRocca

Continued from page 1

Your heroine should be tough, sweet, sensitive, and very horny, and has to think she's not attractive even though every guy inrepparttar book except her husband falls off his chair with a tent in his pants.

Don't letrepparttar 118207 length of a novel faze you. Just throw some people onrepparttar 118208 stage, move them around a bit, and get them into bed. Then, changerepparttar 118209 rules so they have to move around a bit again and get them back into bed. (It doesn't always have to be a bed. Office desks and car seats work too.) Whenrepparttar 118210 book's long enough, stop. Don't worry aboutrepparttar 118211 "climax," because people are climaxing all overrepparttar 118212 place.

Exotic locales. Foreign countries with beaches. Lots of rich people. Remember that you're writing forrepparttar 118213 lowest common denominator, because they spend most ofrepparttar 118214 money that you're trying to reel in. Make it sleazy. No one ever went broke underestimatingrepparttar 118215 public.

How to publish? To do it right, writerepparttar 118216 sales pitch before you writerepparttar 118217 book. Make surerepparttar 118218 book followsrepparttar 118219 pitch andrepparttar 118220 formula. If your cover letter alone has eight typos, no problem. Nobody cares. The publisher will wanna rush this baby to print and get you, or an attractive stand-in, doing as many TV appearances as possible beforerepparttar 118221 book reviewers have time to draw breath. Heck, your target market doesn't read book reviews anyway! Also keep in mind that once that reader buys your book, you've won. They won't get a refund just because you're illiterate. So don't worry about hiring an editor. Hire a publicist!

Think Hollywood. You want your book to become a movie. It doesn't have to be a good movie, because most of them aren't. It just has to sell, baby, sell! Write parts for allrepparttar 118222 hottest stars. True, today's hottest stars will have faded byrepparttar 118223 time they start filming your movie, but no matter. Someone just like them will replace them.

I've been doing it wrong for all these years. I started writing over 20 years ago, andrepparttar 118224 five books I have onrepparttar 118225 shelves are enough to make it a hobby that barely pays for itself. Meanwhile, I work at a job for my money. But if you follow my advice, you won't makerepparttar 118226 same mistakes I have. You'll get rich!

Michael LaRocca's website at was chosen by WRITER'S DIGEST as one of The 101 Best Websites For Writers in 2001 and 2002. He published two novels in 2002 and has two more scheduled for publication in 2004. He also works as an editor for an e-publisher. He teaches English at a university in Shaoxing, Zhejiang Province, China, and publishes the free weekly newsletter Mad About Books.

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