Self improvement: Turn Down the Rheostat

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach

Continued from page 1

One ofrepparttar less mentioned benefits of developing your emotional intelligence is that eventually you can modulate your emotions. They don’t “come in” as strongly. You don’t experience them as strongly. Therefore they’re easier to manage, likerepparttar 126154 cub scouts no longer agitated by my loud tones who were therefore better behaved.

You can also benefit by learning to turn down, your negative self-talk. These arerepparttar 126155 things you’re always telling yourself in your head that you may or may not be aware of, which actually make things worse. These arerepparttar 126156 things that pop out of your mouth when you miss an appointment, for instance, like, “Why am I so stupid?” or “Can’t I ever get it right?” Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Make it positive and self-soothing. The other doesn’t work. Get off your back and on your side!

Slow it all down. When you immediately react to what someone says is when you are most likely to say something that will either agitaterepparttar 126157 situation, harm you orrepparttar 126158 other, or that you’ll regret having said later.

This is when we speak likerepparttar 126159 knee jerk reaction whenrepparttar 126160 doctor taps our knee with that rubber thing – as if it were automatic, and we had no control overrepparttar 126161 words that come out of our mouths, orrepparttar 126162 gestures and expressions we use, which can be equally damaging. If someone has rolled their eyes at you in disgust when you’ve made a suggestion or asked a pertinent question, you know what I mean.

This is when we get that flash anger and say, “That’s it. I quit,” or “Pack your bags and get out.” The take-home point is to ‘get’ that you’ve been insulted or what not, but not to take it so “hard” that you can’t deal with it in a way that’s constructive and that won’t sabotage you.

Work with an emotional intelligence coach and learn how to slow down your reactions to things. It will give you time to think them through and this will almost always bring better results.

And tryrepparttar 126163 thing about whispering next time you’re with a young child. It works beautifully. In fact they’re kind of fascinated byrepparttar 126164 whole thing. Which is to say, as we say in coaching, “try one thing different.”

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence, career, transitions, resilience, relationships, professional development. for free ezine. Want to be a certified EQ coaches? Email me about the EQ Alive! Program. Start tomorrow. No residency requirement.

How to Replace Bad Habits with Good Ones: The Science of “Habit Management”

Written by Dr. Stephen Kraus, Success Scientist

Continued from page 1

3. Reward success. The most fundamental law in all of psychology isrepparttar “law of effect.” It simply states that actions followed by rewards are strengthened and likely to recur. Unfortunately, studies show that people rarely use this technique when trying to change personal habits. Dieters, for example, routinely overlook weeks of exercise and restrained eating, only to let a single lapse “snowball” into a total relapse and complete collapse.

Setting up formal or informal rewards for success greatly increases your chances of transforming bad habits into good ones, and is far more effective than punishing yourself for bad habits or setbacks.

4. Schedule your bad habits. If you are really struggling to kick a bad habit, try limitingrepparttar 126153 habit to a specific time and place. If you are struggling to quit cigarettes, allow yourself to smoke from 9-9:30pm, and only in an uncomfortable “smoking stool.” Whenrepparttar 126154 urge to smoke strikes, tell yourself that you’ll have plenty of time to smoke during your pre-scheduled smoking period. Research and case studies confirm that this rather unconventional approach can be a useful first step in changing bad habits.

Copyright © 2004 Stephen Kraus, Ph.D.


The findings and recommendations in this article are based on scientific research published in peer-reviewed journals. For complete references, see Psychological Foundations of Success: A Harvard-Trained Scientist Separatesrepparttar 126155 Science of Success from Self-Help Snake Oil by Stephen Kraus, Ph.D.

Success Scientist Dr. Stephen Kraus is author of Psychological Foundations of Success: A Harvard-Trained Scientist Separates the Science of Success from Self-Help Snake Oil. He was recently featured in Conversations on Success, along with Brian Tracy and Wally “Famous” Amos. Steve has a Ph.D. in psychology from Harvard University. To contact him or subscribe to his REAL Science of Success ezine, please visit

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