This can also be done by setting up two chairs and creating a verbal exchange in which we speak alternatively for each part of ourselves as we change positions sitting in each chair as we change perspective and seek to feel and express that aspect of ourselves.

4. The fourth step is to take position of our higher wiser self and speak to both parts of ourselves. Both part, which wants to change and one, which does not, are equally aspects of our being. They are like our children and they need to be accepted and loved as they are. They need to be helped to love harmoniously in same body and mind.

5. In end we need to understand that our true being is not limited to either of these aspects. We are something much greater.

This mutual inner acceptance and communication between these conflicting aspects our being opens door to a type of inner cooperation which brings about a much more effective and lasting change than can ever be accomplished through self-rejection and conflict.

The same is obviously true about our need to change others. We can get much better results if we accept and understand them and their needs and then express our needs in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.

As for fear that we might relax too much and not move forward if we accept ourselves, we would do well to remember that all of nature seeks to evolve. Our inner being naturally seeks to evolve. This is our basic inner need. We are all driven by an inner pressure towards perfection. How else can we know that we do not have perfect love or justice, unless we have an inner frame of reference.

We want to create health, harmony, peace and love in our lives because these remind us of out true inner self. These are who and what we are.

No matter how much we accept ourselves we will always want to move towards that manifestation of our inner potential.

We need to externalize our inner beauty. Loving and accepting ourselves is first step towards that.

(Adapted from "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy available at http://www.Amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.)

CLARIFYING RESPONSIBILITY FOR REALITY

a. The other is to blame.

We are each responsible for reality we create within and around us. If we are not happy, it is because we are allowing our attachments, aversions, expectations and to obstruct our happiness.

A main problem in our relationships is that we often blame other when we are not happy or secure. When something goes wrong, we seek to pass blame because we find it difficult to accept our own mistakes and weaknesses.

We also expect other to fill our emptiness in ways that he or she cannot. The other cannot create our happiness, security or feelings of self-worth. When we do not get what we need from other, we feel hurt and angry, and usually resort to blaming other.

Because of this, we can get locked into power games, in which each tries to control, change and correct other, neither wanting to be corrected. A bitter battle of wills ensues which defies real, sincere communication, as each blames without listening to what other is saying.

If we expect that other is going to supply what we are missing in ourselves, we are in for an unpleasant surprise. We must take responsibility for our health, happiness, harmony, fulfillment and general state of affairs in our lives. The key to finding happiness and harmony we seek is to stop trying to change others and change ourselves from within.

b. I am to blame...

The opposite side to this belief system is that we are responsible for others. If they are not happy, healthy, successful, and most of all, not satisfied with us, we feel we are to blame. We feel we have failed in role of love partner, child, parent or sibling, and are susceptible to feelings of self-rejection, guilt and shame.

When we feel this way, we often turn on others and blame them for not doing what they should have done to be healthy, happy, successful, so that we can feel okay in our role of "being responsible for their reality."

The responsibility problem has two sides: "They are responsible for my reality" and "I am responsible for their reality." Both are illusions that lead to conflicts and unhappiness. We will dedicate another article to this matter.

This article will be continued in two more parts, which will cover following aspects of creating a conscious love relationship: Communication Common Activities Keep Learning and Growing Spiritual Activities Distinguish Between Other and His Behavior. See Other as Your Teacher. Keeping Promises Unconditional Love Reaching Out Beyond Relationship Develop Your Own Relationship with Divine.

(Adapted from forthcoming "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy. His book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at http://www.amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.