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-- Bottomless-Pit Fast-Food Franchises are also proud to announce expanded menu selections including Vixen Vegan Stir-Fry, low-carb Hades "Hot" Dogs, plus low-calorie Pluto-Pepper-Pizzas and Sassy-Soy-Styxs.
-- The Ministry of Hot Air has responded positively to negative comments, received from
"Beelzebub & Friends Society", regarding insipid flavor of potable water supply and nasal-impairments caused by fetid air quality. Residents will be relieved to know that big "Blue Blazes" blast furnaces (owned by Everlasting Fire & Crispy Roasting Corp.) must reduce noxious gas emissions by 20%, under terms and conditions of Hot Air & Hot Aqua (HAHA) Treaty.
-- To address auditory-challenges of lost souls and departed spirits (i.e. valued Freedom-55ers of lower world), volume on JINX-98.5FM (Sisyphus Rock & Roll Radio) will be cranked up a notch or two, while glow-in-the-dark ear-plugs and virtual reality hard hats will be issued to youthful yahoo patrons of Dungeons & Dragons Night Club.
-- Satan's Storm Centre has responded to suggestions from wicked witches, testy trolls, and someone called "The Man from UNCLE" who want a simple, color-coordinated 24/7 emergency alert system (which has been reduced to 10 shades of red) and one prominent canary yellow button marked "Panic" (indicating it's definitely time to move to Plan B whatever that is).
Additional suggestions to improve quality of life in Hades should be addressed to The Head Honcho, Hades Office of Tourism, 112 Hot House Boulevard, HADES.
NOTE: If your letter returns with "address unknown" marked on envelope, you'll know that you've been spared a wonderland vacation to Perdition (the place of fallen angels). So rejoice ... and as they say in leisure industry lingo, "Have a Nice Day"!
