If you're in a non-critical circumstance but still need to say "no" (such as invariable plea to stay up a little longer), try going sideways: "On weekend, you can stay up till 10:00, but only if you go to sleep right now".

By using "no" less often, it will be taken more seriously by kids when you do say it. In same way, your qualified yes gives child what she wants ("yes, you can paint") as well as what you want ("as soon as we put away these puzzle pieces"). Tasks assigned with your proviso should be done together as much as possible, to keep your positive-negative positive, non?

Finally she quieted, brightened up, and said, “Let’s do what an optimist would do!” We’d been working on that – optimism is an emotional intelligence competency.

“What would an optimist do?” I asked.

“Think about something happy,” she replied. “Find something else to do.” She remembers things, that’s for sure.

“What else could we do that would be fun?” I asked her.

“I want to play with Donnie,” she said. He’s little boy next door. And off she ran.

I decided to freshen up with shower and then settle in with a good book.

Learning “optimism” can’t start too young! When we have a disappointment, we don’t dwell, we find something else to do that’s fun, and your child can learn this too.