As we collect these important memories, it seems worthwhile to discuss how it is that you remember them--both for yourself and for your children. Here are some ideas:

•Write a letter to each of your children, in which you remember experiences you had with them and also some reflections on what you were experiencing while they grew up. It can be a valuable way to remember these experiences, and also a wonderful gift to your children when they get older.

•Regularly tell your children about some of most memorable times you‘ve had with them and some of entertaining/funny things that they said or did. Kids love to hear stories about themselves from their dad or mom, so have a boatload of them on hand.

•Form rituals around your children whenever possible, whether it’s for some event in their life or a changing of season. Using rituals will be a great way for all of you to remember these things and to make them more meaningful.

•Start your own parenting journal in which you chronicle joys and struggles of being a father. It will not only give you a priceless piece of reading years down road, but will help you to better understand yourself as you reflect on your own joys and struggles.

•Encourage your children to start their own journal when they are old enough. This is a great way for your kids to help themselves process their own feelings. They’ll be more likely to do it if they see you’re doing it as well.

Many fathers lament speed with which their kids grew up and were out of house. They feel that they’d like to have more to remember of their children while they grew up.

Videos and pictures are certainly valuable ways to remember your kids, but they don’t capture what you were experiencing during those years. Keeping a written record of your reflections during these years will provide you with a valuable way to capture these experiences.

There’s going to be a time, soon after your kids leave home, when all you’ll be able to “hold” is your memories of them.

May you find a way to hold them that honors precious times.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

Fathers who say no to their kids on a fairly regular basis take a big step towards ensuring that their kids are happy, responsible, and successful.

Here are some specific actions that dads can take:

•If you’re married, consult with your wife about what your dose of “N” word will be. Creating a unified front will strengthen your position and cause fewer conflicts.

•Never do things for your children that they can do for themselves. Allow them to be frustrated and to learn to be more resilient.

•Consider an allowance for your kids, even if they’re quite young, so that they can develop a sense of responsibility with money and a sense of taking care of their things.

•Take stock of your children’s possessions. Do they have way too many things? Are their some things that might be better suited for Goodwill?

•Foster an environment of appreciation for things you have. Model this appreciation in how you care for things you own and how you use them.

•Limit number and price of gifts your kids receive at holidays and parties. Donate or give away gifts that they aren’t very interested in. Talk to your relatives and friends if necessary about what you’re trying to do.

It’s difficult at times to see your kids’ struggle with many challenges of being young and inexperienced. Frustration is a constant companion of kids as they learn many skills and demands of living their lives.

Fathers can make an extremely important choice for themselves and their children when these frustrating moments arise. They can see opportunity for their kids to learn from these moments by having to work through these feelings.

Fathers who are really interested in success of their kids are motivated by doing what works for their kids in long run.

Fathers who are interested in having their kids “feel good” much of time and who feel good themselves when they can “rescue” their kids from frustrating feelings are more interested in being savior.

The message here comes in loud and clear for your kids: Your dad doesn’t think you can handle this.

Remember that some day your kids will figure these things out for themselves.

When they do, they’ll thank you for allowing them to struggle.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com