Dear Rock,

I done went and tried one of them there suggestions you put in your ezine. Cause my truck only gits 3 miles to gallon I would like to git better mileage.

I hooked up an air hose to pump up my tires, but it took too dang long. I decided to go inside store and git a beer and some lottery tickets while I waited for it to pump up.

Well don't you know it that there tire got too much air in it and done went and blew up!

Pieces of tire done flew through window of that filling station and broke that big window in front. Children screamed. Car alarms go off and people run for cover cause they think it's another one of them terror attacks.

My lawyer done tole me that I should tell you that he's suing you for bad tips.

Sincerely,

Billy Bob Ray Bob

Of course I would have to respond to this.

Dear Billy Bob Ray Bob:

I find it commendable that you want to increase your gas mileage. If my truck only got 3 miles to gallon, I'd want to something to increase my gas mileage too. The recommendation was to inflate your tires to air pressure recommended in your owner's manual, not to blow up your tire and scare children.

- Rock

If you're looking for a fuel efficient car, check out www.fueleconomy.gov.

For lowest local gas prices, check out gaspricewatch.com and www.gasbuddy.com.

Most of stamps I use are on SASEs (Self-Addressed Stamped Envelopes) that I include with scripts I send to agents. When I receive SASE back, I know it's bad news. I know this because if it was good news, they would've called me to tell me about my six-figure advance on my script sale, they wouldn't have sent me a letter.

I put an article (http://MoviesMoneyandMore.com/HighHopes.html) I wrote about a phone call I received from a production company on my website if you'd like to read it. This is closer to what I would hope would happen, but ... well, just read it for yourself.

If you've never gotten a rejection letter from an agent, you don't know what a treat it is. Here's an example of what to expect:

Dear No-Talent Hack,

I usually have to read at least 30 pages before I get disgusted with a script. In your case, it only took 5. I would thank you for saving me time, if those 5 pages hadn't been so dreadful to read.

Have you considered reading a book on screenwriting?

Not knowing what else to do with it, I tried to line my birdcage with your screenplay, but it was so bad my parrot didn't even want to crap on it. In end I had to send your script to dump where this awful thing belongs.

Have a nice day,

Pompous Agent

Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a little. Rejection letters from agents are rarely this nice.

It just seems that 41 cents to get a letter like this is too much.

The US Postal Service website is located here: www.usps.com.