If we have financial problems, we worry about retirement, mortgage, 401k, just paying bills. We ruminate about worst that could happen. We fear possible losses. We develop anxiety and ulcers. Existing illness worsens.

If we feel angry about past events, our parents or our former spouse, we think about injustices, we fan flames. We ruminate, become resentful and bitter. Dangerous stress hormones pour into our system. We develop heart disease or gastrointestinal problems.

Of course it’s always easier to run to gym and work out, rather than run home and work out our problems.

It’s easier to sit in corner by ourselves and meditate, rather than sit at financial counselor’s office and struggle to work out a budget.

What can you do? Gather your courage and identify and face specific issues that are causing stress in your life. You can reduce stress, enhance relationships, simplify your life and feel healthier and happier.

Follow these four steps to live a healthier, happier life.

1.Identify source of problem.

2.Decide what needs to be done to resolve problem.

3.Develop a step-by-step plan to achieve desired goal.

4.Follow through one step at a time.

If you need help with any of steps, get it. There are excellent resources in area to help you with any problem that may be causing you stress. Determine for 2004 to begin a new life with less stress and more fun.

©Pat Swan, M.S., Life and Relationship Coach, http://www.RelationshipSkillville.com . Pat is a speaker, and author of “Watch Out! Your Relationships Can Be Hazardous to Your Health,” available at http:// www.StopRelationshipStress.com . Stop relationship stress and discover secret remedies for better health. Mailto:pat@patswan.com . PH: 262-642-5706.

Say something like, “What I hear you saying is…” “Is that right?”

If person you are talking to agrees that you heard accurately, great! If they say, “No, what I said was…” – believe them. Don’t argue or come back with, “That is too what you said.” It is amazing how many times individuals I am working with in communication skills will argue with their partner about what partner said or meant! We all have a tendency to distort somewhat based on our own experiences. That is why reflecting back what we thought we heard is important.

4)Ask open-ended questions about content or information being shared.

Open-ended questions cannot be answered with “yes” or “no”. They invite speaker to give you more information and to expand on what they are saying. Open-ended questions often start with “how” or “what”, or “tell me more…”

5)Try to imagine how person you are talking to feels about what they are talking about.

This is a skill called “empathy” and is essential for close, meaningful conversation. Share back your sense of how information is impacting them, such as, “That must make you happy.” Or, “It must be hard for you when that happens.” Connecting on an emotional level shows you are listening and truly understand them.

If you practice these five steps faithfully, you will be amazed at how much better your relationships will become both at home and at work.