The more introverted your communication partner, more likely they will think before they speak. Extraverts discover what they’re thinking and how they feel by talking. Introverts figure it all out inside their own head and heart before giving voice to it.

5.Rudeness.

Because of nature of normal conversation in US, allowing an extended silence can be perceived as rudeness, and even meant that way. Refusing to reply to other person is a way of ignoring them.

6.A listening space.

When you are profoundly listening to someone, you create an open space for them to talk that’s almost palpable. Good listeners know how to do this, and it can be learned. It’s an openness that you transmit through nonverbal means. Study emotional intelligence and nonverbal communication, and you’ll pick up on these cues better.

For instance, if you really are giving your undivided attention to someone else, your pupils will widen. This is a sign that you’re willing to “let it all come in,” in same way that opened pupils allow more light to come in.

Our pupils expand when we see something we like, and contract when we want to shut something out – thus “slanted pig eyes” of someone who’s furious. If you’re not mindful of this, it’s completely automatic (unconscious) and so reveals a lot to other person who is savvy about it. However, with practice you can bring it more under mindful control.

You can learn to give this sort of eye contact to someone intentionally. It’s part of knowing EQ and being mindful. And what a gift! It says, “Open up. I’m here. I’m listening. I want to hear what you have to say, and to understand.”

7.Empathy.

Silence can be an indication of empathy. When we are really tuning in to how other person is feeling about what they’re saying, we’re listening more to tone of their voice, cadence and speed rather than actual words, and so replying with words may not be attuned response.

We indicate this to other by being slow to respond and not jumping in to words. Sometimes sounds are more attuned … a murmur, a sigh, sucking in breath in shock, soothing, cooing sounds, clucking, or shaking head and going uh, uh, uh. Similarly, we use sound “hmmm” when we are deep in thought contemplating what other has said.

TAKE HOME POINT

If you want to become an excellent and effective communicator, study uses of silence. When we choose to allow silence, and what we do when it’s presented to us, tests our communication abilities.

Excellent communicators: ·Can allow silence when it’s effective or called for ·Avoid being pressured into “spilling” when silence is used manipulatively ·Offer silence as a gift or sign of respect ·Interpret silence of others appropriately ·Understand way other people and other cultures use silence ·Mindfully regulate use of silence in a conversation ·Are comfortable with silence and understand its many uses