Relationships: Giving to GetWritten by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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Nothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides to learn how to take responsibility for his own good feelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. Patty wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel okay about himself. Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him and instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. He needs to open to learning about what he is telling himself and how he is treating himself that is causing his emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of Patty’s behavior and instead focus within on what he needs to do for himself, for little boy within him that wants love and attention. He would have love to share with Patty if he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and on making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty happy in hopes that she will make him happy. As it is, he is just trying to get love - giving to get. Adam is coming from a very common false belief – that our best feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth is that our best feelings come from being loving to ourselves and to others. Adam won’t know this until he decides to change his intention from trying to have control over getting love to learning about being loving.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.
| | Just What Do We Mean by ABUSE Anyway?Written by Rosella Aranda
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• Ogling child in a state of undress • Making sexual observations about someone’s body These are all inappropriate behaviors and they leave child feeling very confused and uneasy. They might not understand why they feel bad, but it becomes a great source of discomfort from there on out. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS DIFFICULT TO DETECT The most difficult type of abuse to identify is emotional or psychological in nature. It is very subtle and difficult to recognize because so much of it is a non-behavior, such as giving someone cold shoulder or silent treatment, or simply not being present. The fact that a parent may be doing something legitimate like working and not just hanging out in some bar does nothing to alter fact that child is deprived of his parent’s company, guidance and affection. A parent can be physically present but emotionally unavailable. Some parents may have too many responsibilities and not enough time or energy for their children. Others are simply ill-equipped to offer proper nurturance or psychological support. The term emotional orphan comes to mind. Another thing that makes emotional abuse hard to pinpoint is fact that victim is not outwardly mangled. Emotionally abusive behaviors include: • yelling • belittling, criticizing • blocking, stifling • too demanding of perfection • domineering, controlling • name-calling, ridiculing, mocking • not taking interest, ignoring • not showing affection or physical contact • constant complaining about providing necessities • general absence or unavailability. Threats of abandonment or withdrawal of love are very frightening and a very cruel form of discipline. Other forms of psychological abuse are over-protection, adulation and overly doting behaviors. And then there is over-reliance on a child, referred to as emotional incest, where child is used to fulfill a void left by an absent partner. All of these behaviors distort healthy development and growth. Muddled boundaries make it difficult to form and sustain healthy human relationships later in life. Now, using these parameters, it’s safe to say that vast majority of people have been abused to one degree or another. Unfortunately, these types of behavior are far too common and many of us have been affected more deeply than we care to admit. However, until we acknowledge truth of our personal history, we will continue to expend tremendous amounts of psychic energy trying to squelch pain of these subconscious wounds. In meantime, it is my hope that a greater understanding of how much long-term damage these behaviors cause might prevent us from perpetuating such mistreatment. With a bit of attention and intention, abuse can stop here.
Rosella Aranda, international marketer, editor, author, helps entrepreneurs escape their limitations. See her newest ebook at http://www.SabotageThyselfNoMore.com/ For more on how to harness your mental power, visit http://www.FromThoughtsToRiches.com/
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