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Some people can commute and maintain a relationship, but this was not realistic for Rhonda and Fred, since they both wanted to have children. They realized that if either of them gave up work they loved, they would feel very resentful. They had no choice but to end relationship. Even though they loved each other, they recognized that their relationship would soon erode if one of them gave themselves up.
Dishonesty and infidelity can often be deal-breakers, depending upon situation. Some people can learn from and grow through these difficult situations, while for others wound is too deep to repair.
Mandy and Hal were in their 50’s when they met and fell in love. Both were in unhappy long-term marriages, which they decided to leave to be with each other.
However, Hal had married when he was very young. He had spent his life working hard to support his wife and children. He had never had an opportunity to do some of things he really wanted to do – like travel on his own or explore relationships with other women. He loved Mandy but he felt trapped. He wanted his freedom.
As a result he started to pull away from Mandy, which was very painful for her. They received counseling to try to reconcile situation. Mandy was willing for Hal to leave and travel for six months, but Hal was reluctant to leave Mandy. Mandy had not expected a man in his 50’s to need to sow wild oats.
Then Mandy found out that Hal had slept with another woman. His pulling away was bad enough, but his infidelity was a deal-breaker. Mandy ended their relationship day she discovered affair. She told Hal that she still loved him but could not continue this way. She left door open by telling him that if he ever got his wanderlust out of his system, she would consider trying again.
Dishonesty about money can also be a deal-breaker, such as finding out that your mate is earning money by selling drugs or through some other illegal operation.
Most conflicts – conflicts that are really about communication and control issues – can be resolved when both people are willing to learn. But some conflicts are true deal-breakers.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org. Phone Sessions Available.