Q. I've been with my boyfriend for over 9 months now. We were engaged and broke off engagement on grounds that it was just too soon for both of us. Lately I've been feeling like he's lost interest in me. He spends most of his time on computer or asleep and we hardly ever speak to each other. He's very snippy and when we do speak, one of us always gets angry or we start an argument. I'm beginning to stop loving him, and I'm not sure how to bring up any conversation about this without starting an argument. He always says that I'm putting words in his mouth or what I'm saying is a lie, when I know it isn't. Even our close friends have realized that our relationship is falling apart. Should I try to discuss this with him or should I decide to end things and see if that is for better? ~Anonymous

A. Dear Anonymous, I think it is always better to try to talk things out with your partner. How about you try to talk to him about what is going on between two of you and try to listen when he responds. Most of all, refuse to get into an argument with him. Arguing is often one way to avoid dealing with real issues, so if you refuse to be pulled into an argument, you might just have a chance to get to truth. ~Your Relationship Coach

**Featured Question** Q: I'm just at point of bringing a new email "relationship" to next level of an actual date. Any tips on making our first encounter work? Or tips in general? ~Anonymous

A. Dear Anonymous, I would like to offer you some tips for meeting people online and then dating them. Specifically, it is important to remember that meeting someone online is different than meeting people during course of everyday life. Therefore, relationships formed online need special handling while you get to know each other.

1. If you meet someone online and either feel chemistry or think there may be a potential, set up an in-person meeting.

I suggest you do this sooner rather than later, as soon as possible in fact. You want to really meet person and perhaps form a relationship with him or her, and not form a relationship with his or her online persona only. No matter how honest and forthright a person is, you cannot fully experience someone while solely interacting online - you only get a one-dimensional take. Too many times I have seen people falling in love online or by email, only to meet and find out they are not very compatible.

2. Have low expectations and see if you can be detached from outcome of first meeting.

It is stressful to meet someone new, even more stressful if you have gotten to know each other in artificial environment of online dating. Don't add to either of your discomfort by having huge expectations about how things will turn out. See if you can allow for chemistry, perhaps a relationship. But if not, allow for friendship or some other significant connection.

3. Stay safe during meeting.

This almost goes without saying, but I will say it anyway. Meet this new person in a well-populated public place only, and remain in public place for entire date. If there are more dates with this person, meet in public place until two of you really get to know each other. And while you are out on these dates, have your cell phone with you, have a back up plan to take care of yourself and let a close friend or family member know where you are and who you are with.

4. If you meet online first, then meet in person and like each other, you still need plenty of time to establish relationship.

When everything goes right and person you met online turns out to be just person you like/want/are attracted to, still take time to get to know each other in everyday, real life. As far as I can tell from coaching hundreds of singles, biggest predictor of a successful relationship is amount of time a couple takes to get to know each other, in person. In other words, if you take three months of real life dating to get to know each other, you are more likely to have a successful relationship than if you got to know each other mostly online, or if you jumped into a relationship quickly.

5. Do not get physically intimate until you know each other in real life.

To follow up on above, second biggest predictor of a successful relationship, as far as I can see, is establishing intimacy slowly. Really, there is nothing wrong with sex between consenting adults, except that it creates a false sense of intimacy. Once you sleep with someone, you will often feel close and endearing toward each other. You will tend to overlook incompatibilities, which may otherwise make this relationship a "no go." Unfortunately, this sense of intimacy will last at outmost for about 3 months, at which point all things you could not see or refused to see in beginning will reveal themselves. It's better to see things as they are at start and have a choice about whether or not to go forward with relationship.

Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

It is important that, when trying to determine a destination, you think of things that are important to you, overall. Not just now, but in "long run" of your life. Ask yourself such questions as:

- Where do I want to be? - What do I want to do? - What is important to me?

In days of wagon trains, "ruts" were created in ground by continual traffic over one path. In life, a rut is caused by continual travel between same places in your existence. In examining questions in detail, you can eventually define a destination outside of your current situation and break out of any ruts that might keep you moving along same paths.

--- Headin' Down Highway ---

Once you go through process of picking a destination, you have to head in general direction to reach that destination. It's like driving down a highway. If you're driving down I-10 West, you have a choice to make. Do you go to Las Vegas or Los Angeles? If chosen destination is Las Vegas, take I-40 exit then head North on various highways. If you choose Los Angeles, take I-10 all way in through Needles. The point is, you chose destination, but along that path, you will experience different terrain, decisions, and changes before you reach that destination.

In some cases, path is treacherous, hot, and muggy and you twinge at expectation that destination will be a living hell, when in fact, destination is an oasis of more than you could have ever hoped. In other cases, path is easy, yet destination is a wild, hot, and crowded place that may not meet your expectations. Whatever assumed outcome, make changes to accommodate yourself, but stay course.

Realize that once you pick a destination in life, you will have to figure out how to get there. Every destination has a different path with different "obstacles." These obstacles, however, are helpful "classes" in preparing you for your ultimate destination. You can plan for some of these classes by simply examining what it will take to reach your destination. You must set your goals, vision, and mission before you can understand challenges that must be overcome to reach your ultimate destination. It's sometimes a difficult task, but it can be done.

--- Pie in Sky ---

I remember being told so many times that my vision of my life was "pie in sky." I never cared, and kept on plodding---into failure. But, it wasn't until I began to manage my expectations that I was able to reach my lofty destinations with success. Picking a destination that is far beyond your immediate reach can lead to disappointment and frustration. Failure leads to more failure and eventually, complete surrender.

I'm not telling you to give up on your lofty goals, I'm telling you to slow down and take a good look at where you're going. You must learn how to break your dreams into smaller pieces. Take only pieces of pie instead of whole thing at one time. If you conquer one piece, you're that much closer to your ultimate vision. Conquer one piece at a time and learn as you go. It not only makes you smarter and stronger, but it will also give you a better chance of conquering next leg of your journey to reach that, originally, lofty goal.

--- What's next? ---

We do have a controllable destiny, but we have to learn what it is that is keeping us from satisfying our desires and reaching our chosen destination. This destination must be earned by researching path it takes to get you there. This is where you must come to understand your belief system and how to make it grow to accommodate your goals.

So many people allow apathy to control their lives. They wait for their destinies to come to them. In some cases, they call it "allowing God to guide" them when, in fact, "He" is within us all allowing us to chose and move in whichever direction we desire. If you still feel like God and Universe has a plan for your life, and you really don't want to try to step out of your situation to move toward a better life, just remember:

"God helps those who help themselves."