Reader Q&A

Written by Rinatta Paries

Continued from page 1

Q. I've been with my boyfriend for over 9 months now. We were engaged and broke offrepparttar engagement onrepparttar 101991 grounds that it was just too soon forrepparttar 101992 both of us. Lately I've been feeling like he's lost interest in me. He spends most of his time onrepparttar 101993 computer or asleep and we hardly ever speak to each other. He's very snippy and when we do speak, one of us always gets angry or we start an argument. I'm beginning to stop loving him, and I'm not sure how to bring up any conversation about this without starting an argument. He always says that I'm putting words in his mouth or what I'm saying is a lie, when I know it isn't. Even our close friends have realized that our relationship is falling apart. Should I try to discuss this with him or should I decide to end things and see if that is forrepparttar 101994 better? ~Anonymous

A. Dear Anonymous, I think it is always better to try to talk things out with your partner. How about you try to talk to him about what is going on betweenrepparttar 101995 two of you and try to listen when he responds. Most of all, refuse to get into an argument with him. Arguing is often one way to avoid dealing withrepparttar 101996 real issues, so if you refuse to be pulled into an argument, you might just have a chance to get torepparttar 101997 truth. ~Your Relationship Coach

**Featured Question** Q: I'm just atrepparttar 101998 point of bringing a new email "relationship" torepparttar 101999 next level of an actual date. Any tips on making our first encounter work? Or tips in general? ~Anonymous

A. Dear Anonymous, I would like to offer you some tips for meeting people online and then dating them. Specifically, it is important to remember that meeting someone online is different than meeting people duringrepparttar 102000 course of everyday life. Therefore, relationships formed online need special handling while you get to know each other.

1. If you meet someone online and either feel chemistry or think there may be a potential, set up an in-person meeting.

I suggest you do this sooner rather than later, as soon as possible in fact. You want to really meetrepparttar 102001 person and perhaps form a relationship with him or her, and not form a relationship with his or her online persona only. No matter how honest and forthright a person is, you cannot fully experience someone while solely interacting online - you only get a one-dimensional take. Too many times I have seen people falling in love online or by email, only to meet and find out they are not very compatible.

2. Have low expectations and see if you can be detached fromrepparttar 102002 outcome ofrepparttar 102003 first meeting.

It is stressful to meet someone new, even more stressful if you have gotten to know each other inrepparttar 102004 artificial environment of online dating. Don't add to either of your discomfort by having huge expectations about how things will turn out. See if you can allow for chemistry, perhaps a relationship. But if not, allow for friendship or some other significant connection.

3. Stay safe duringrepparttar 102005 meeting.

This almost goes without saying, but I will say it anyway. Meet this new person in a well-populated public place only, and remain inrepparttar 102006 public place forrepparttar 102007 entire date. If there are more dates with this person, meet in public place untilrepparttar 102008 two of you really get to know each other. And while you are out on these dates, have your cell phone with you, have a back up plan to take care of yourself and let a close friend or family member know where you are and who you are with.

4. If you meet online first, then meet in person and like each other, you still need plenty of time to establishrepparttar 102009 relationship.

When everything goes right andrepparttar 102010 person you met online turns out to be justrepparttar 102011 person you like/want/are attracted to, still take time to get to know each other in everyday, real life. As far as I can tell from coaching hundreds of singles,repparttar 102012 biggest predictor of a successful relationship isrepparttar 102013 amount of time a couple takes to get to know each other, in person. In other words, if you take three months of real life dating to get to know each other, you are more likely to have a successful relationship than if you got to know each other mostly online, or if you jumped into a relationship quickly.

5. Do not get physically intimate until you know each other in real life.

To follow up onrepparttar 102014 above,repparttar 102015 second biggest predictor of a successful relationship, as far as I can see, is establishing intimacy slowly. Really, there is nothing wrong with sex between consenting adults, except that it creates a false sense of intimacy. Once you sleep with someone, you will often feel close and endearing toward each other. You will tend to overlook incompatibilities, which may otherwise make this relationship a "no go." Unfortunately, this sense of intimacy will last atrepparttar 102016 outmost for about 3 months, at which point all things you could not see or refused to see inrepparttar 102017 beginning will reveal themselves. It's better to see things as they are atrepparttar 102018 start and have a choice about whether or not to go forward withrepparttar 102019 relationship.

Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach yourepparttar 102020 skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

Having coined the phrase "relationship coach," Master Certified Coach Rinatta Paries works with singles to help them attract their ideal relationship, and helps couples create more love and fulfillment in their existing relationships. Visit her web site at or e-mail her at

Controllable Destiny ... Setting a Destination and Experiencing the Ride

Written by Edward B. Toupin

Continued from page 1

It is important that, when trying to determine a destination, you think ofrepparttar things that are important to you, overall. Not just now, but inrepparttar 101990 "long run" of your life. Ask yourself such questions as:

- Where do I want to be? - What do I want to do? - What is important to me?

Inrepparttar 101991 days ofrepparttar 101992 wagon trains, "ruts" were created inrepparttar 101993 ground by continual traffic over one path. In life, a rut is caused by continual travel betweenrepparttar 101994 same places in your existence. In examiningrepparttar 101995 questions in detail, you can eventually define a destination outside of your current situation and break out of any ruts that might keep you moving alongrepparttar 101996 same paths.

--- Headin' Downrepparttar 101997 Highway ---

Once you go throughrepparttar 101998 process of picking a destination, you have to head inrepparttar 101999 general direction to reach that destination. It's like driving down a highway. If you're driving down I-10 West, you have a choice to make. Do you go to Las Vegas or Los Angeles? Ifrepparttar 102000 chosen destination is Las Vegas, takerepparttar 102001 I-40 exit then head North on various highways. If you choose Los Angeles, take I-10 allrepparttar 102002 way in through Needles. The point is, you choserepparttar 102003 destination, but along that path, you will experience different terrain, decisions, and changes before you reach that destination.

In some cases,repparttar 102004 path is treacherous, hot, and muggy and you twinge atrepparttar 102005 expectation thatrepparttar 102006 destination will be a living hell, when in fact,repparttar 102007 destination is an oasis of more than you could have ever hoped. In other cases,repparttar 102008 path is easy, yetrepparttar 102009 destination is a wild, hot, and crowded place that may not meet your expectations. Whateverrepparttar 102010 assumed outcome, make changes to accommodate yourself, but stayrepparttar 102011 course.

Realize that once you pick a destination in life, you will have to figure out how to get there. Every destination has a different path with different "obstacles." These obstacles, however, are helpful "classes" in preparing you for your ultimate destination. You can plan for some of these classes by simply examining what it will take to reach your destination. You must set your goals, vision, and mission before you can understandrepparttar 102012 challenges that must be overcome to reach your ultimate destination. It's sometimes a difficult task, but it can be done.

--- Pie inrepparttar 102013 Sky ---

I remember being told so many times that my vision of my life was "pie inrepparttar 102014 sky." I never cared, and kept on plodding---into failure. But, it wasn't until I began to manage my expectations that I was able to reach my lofty destinations with success. Picking a destination that is far beyond your immediate reach can lead to disappointment and frustration. Failure leads to more failure and eventually, complete surrender.

I'm not telling you to give up on your lofty goals, I'm telling you to slow down and take a good look at where you're going. You must learn how to break your dreams into smaller pieces. Take only pieces ofrepparttar 102015 pie instead ofrepparttar 102016 whole thing at one time. If you conquer one piece, you're that much closer to your ultimate vision. Conquer one piece at a time and learn as you go. It not only makes you smarter and stronger, but it will also give you a better chance of conqueringrepparttar 102017 next leg of your journey to reach that, originally, lofty goal.

--- What's next? ---

We do have a controllable destiny, but we have to learn what it is that is keeping us from satisfying our desires and reaching our chosen destination. This destination must be earned by researchingrepparttar 102018 path it takes to get you there. This is where you must come to understand your belief system and how to make it grow to accommodate your goals.

So many people allow apathy to control their lives. They wait for their destinies to come to them. In some cases, they call it "allowing God to guide" them when, in fact, "He" is within us all allowing us to chose and move in whichever direction we desire. If you still feel like God andrepparttar 102019 Universe has a plan for your life, and you really don't want to try to step out of your situation to move toward a better life, just remember:

"God helps those who help themselves."

Edward B. Toupin is a writer and Life Coach living in the Entertainment Capital of the World. He works with individuals to help them realize their potential and establish the directions that will bring them the most fulfillment.

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