The destruction of New York’s twin towers and part of supposedly invincible Pentagon, as well as deaths of those who went down in hijacked planes has broken beyond many men’s usual defenses. They no longer feel like modern cave men and they are hurt, angry and afraid. Tears come at unexpected times and they are surprised.

Over time, these men will have a wide range of feelings. And, depending upon what happens within next few weeks in terms of retaliation war, capture of enemy or closure, their feelings will change. But ladies, take care. Be gentle with your guys. This is first time many of them have had their hearts punctured. Treat their experience with respect. Know that for many of them, they will not react way you do. Give them space and love and if they choose to talk, listen. It will take a long time for all of us to heal. And guys tend to heal differently from women. Meanwhile, I am meeting my friend tomorrow. He still sounds weepy. But if asked, he swears he’s OK. We’ll see what happens over dinner. At this point, I truly don’t know how it will go.

Life is too hard to do alone,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

Dr. Dorree Lynn is co-founder of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and a practicing clinician in New York and Washington, DC. Dr. Lynn served on the executive board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and she is on the editorial board of their publication, Voices. She is also a regular columnist for the Washington, DC newspaper, The Georgetowner. Dr. Lynn is a noted speaker and well known on the lecture circuit.

I’ve challenged franchise, threatened exclusive territory of youth. Not that he will dwell on matter for long, I’m sure. Soon, Frank will be back in place where young people live. The intersection of Testosterone Boulevard and Estrogen Avenue, where heavy hot-rod traffic is seen as all there is to sexuality — surely that can’t be Mom and Dad steaming up windows of Oldsmobile parked at overlook, or Grandma and Grandpa, giddy from a couple of champagne toasts, groping each other in back of that limo?

Youth “knows” that it has franchise, that sex requires supple skin, firm bodies and energy galore surging into all night orgasms. “Don’t you tell us you are doing it too,” kids say, seriously shocked and appalled. “You can’t be, not really and certainly not with as much fun as we have.”

We have to understand them, forgive them their self-absorbed, hormone-propelled instincts, for they live a life of fresh discoveries. They are astronauts in uncharted space. “Yeah,” they’ll admit, “maybe you old fogies hold each other some.” But real sex, like they show in movies, like youth does it, not that, not their parents, and certainly never their grandparents.

These are thoughts, fantasies that run through my mind as I watch Frank struggling with images of his own. As if to let me off hook, but also to ease out of discomfort I have somewhat mischievously drawn him into, Frank concedes: ”OK, Dr. Lynn, you’re attractive for your age, but really you’re an old foggy.” Oh, it’s put in a light, joking sort of way. But deep in my heart I can hear, maybe not Frank, but certainly voice of modern youth, telling me and my generation: “Go away please, clear playing field, get off to back benches of a retirement community, you old foggy. Don’t tell us your are still doing it. Who do you think you are, and whom do you think you are kidding? How disgusting. Be grown-up. Behave. Act your age. Ugh.”

Life is too hard to do alone,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

Dr. Dorree Lynn is co-founder of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and a practicing clinician in New York and Washington, DC. Dr. Lynn served on the executive board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and she is on the editorial board of their publication, Voices. She is also a regular columnist for the Washington, DC newspaper, The Georgetowner. Dr. Lynn is a noted speaker and well known on the lecture circuit.