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"Of course," he said. "But it's my job to protect her." All
while his companion snuggled close to him, nodding in agreement, but abviously avoiding committed look in Susan's determined eyes.
"But, you can't protect her," was Susan's reply.
"Can't protect her?" The very words stab into a man's ego and look on her target's face told me that this was a sensitive issue and one that was not open for discussion. Because for him, and most men in general, protecting one's loved-ones is not a possibility, it's a given.
But, Susan was unstoppable. "How much time are you with her in an average day?" was Susan's next question. "Do you work? Does she? Because," continued this little woman with fire in her heart, "unless you're with her every day, all time, you can't even begin to say that."
Then, came Susan's personal story of trajedy in face of what she had held to be true for her entire life. Everything she had been taught: good girls don't have to worry about rape, only pretty or promiscuous girls get raped, if it does happen just give him what he wants and you'll be fine; every belief she could think of that supported her self-assurance that 'she' was not and never would be a target, was shattered and crushed by reality she had never been taught and for many women, never accepted.
She told couple that, prior to her attacker's brutal assault, she too held beliefs that she was hearing from them. She told them that their answers were not unique. She heard them from just about everyone, everywhere she went. But, as Susan found out, these answers where only providing a false sense of security - security that had at it's foundation not stone and mortar, but toothpicks and glue. And, if her listener's did nothing to correct those beliefs, they would find themselves in same condition she was left in by her attacker - used, confused, and feeling empty and lost, with nowhere to hide.
As Susan's story went on, we find that physical wounds from rape heal very quickly compared to invisible scarring that, like seeds waiting for Springtime, lies dormant under surface - hidden from world - until right time. Because, as Susan pointed out, what she didn't know about rape combined with what she didn't know about how her body would respond to it, caused her more hurt and suffering in long term than actual physical act itself.
Susan told her listeners that, she did not resist her attacker. After all, he just wanted sex, right? It's just about sex. She did not resist, consciously. Well, not until he started beating her.
Susan's story shows truth that rape is not a crime of sex, it's a crime of violence. I know you've heard this before. It's cornerstone of whole rape-prevention educational system today and is at forefront of programs given by rape crisis centers in most places in world. And, while this is not truth in every case, especially in date rape and rape involving college girls where man really does want sex and is willing to get it by force, in Susan's case, her assailant didn't want sex for pleasure of sex. No, to him, sex was a weapon to dominate, humiliate, and control a woman because it attacks her at her very core. To a rapist, sex is a tool that, when used in this way, violates that one part of a woman's body and her inner-self that she believes she has complete control of.
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In part 2, you'll get a glimpse of aftermath of Susan's experience, her discoveries and eventual realization that both allowed her to recover and re-introduce family members and other male friends she had alienated back into her life. I hope you've been able to learn something from this story up to this point. To read part two of Susan's story and find out how it changed me and my approach to teaching self-defense to both men and women, go here.
