The silence is broken by sergeant. You want to talk about it...you know, tell me how this happened?

It all started so innocently, he said, lowering his guard. A book report here, an essay there. One thing leads to another and before you know it...his voice falters. Before you know it you’re doing lap tops and then word processors. I can’t stop myself. A few words here, a sentence or two there. Then paragraphs, I can’t get paragraphs to stop. They’re in my head!

He didn’t have to say a word, real horror was told in eyes of suspect. The extent of his condition was broadcast by those glazed over eyes from staring for hours at a blank, luminescent monitor. His hand moves slowly toward a keyboard, his fingers began to twitch around keys uncontrollably.

He continues after a pause. The disease spread. At first I’m shoving manuscripts at a few of my friends but there not interested. At first they tried to be nice but soon they avoid me. Now I’m asking total strangers to proof read for me!

A negotiator is called in to defuse terse standoff. We can help, he says. A padded cell, we’ll get you some counseling, and a good treatment program. With any luck, you can beat this. Afterwards, we’ll relocate you, set you up with AA, Author’s Anonymous. Listen to me, I know what you’re going through, it’s happened to me too. An audible gasp fills room, uneasy members of swat team glance at each other nervously.

For first time, suspect appears to consider surrender. He ponders before he replies. What will happen if I don’t turn myself in, he questions?

It will go hard on you, probably incarceration. Maybe even...he falters.

No, suspect gasps, not.. not a rejection letter!

Yes, I’m afraid so!

With that, he surrenders and is escorted to a waiting patrol car to be wisked away. All right, squad leader announces to crowd that gathered around to watch, Go home! It’s all over now. The crisis has been resolved...

...or has it?

Sergeant, a team member urgently cries out. Come here quick! He is obviously in a state of panic. What is it, man?

One of pencils is missing! Someone must have gotten it.

Here we go again!

Perhaps what perplexes me most is why this slobbering beast occupies such an exalted plateau. Anyone who has ever observed a dog sleeping or laying around most of day has surely wondered at expression, "working like a dog". The irony of this analogy is only eclipsed by, "sleeping like a baby". What has canine done to merit such undeserved esteem other than drool excessively and wag it's tail with an insipid look on it's face.

Rather than possess any attributes of a redeeming value, notorious mutt does have an entourage of annoying vices of which I will now enumerate. Any list would be sure to include barking all night, chewing on footwear and furnishings, digging holes in yard and redistributing contents of trash bags. Most distressing is animal's unsanitary toilet habits (the furry beast is constantly manufacturing doggie-doo and indiscriminately placing it around yard). This self-appointed washer-of-tires and waterer-of-fire hydrants is notorious for one other flagrant vice, they chase cats. Which may explain why cats are prone to urinary tract disorders in first place