Most of stamps I use are on SASEs (Self-Addressed Stamped Envelopes) that I include with scripts I send to agents. When I receive SASE back, I know it's bad news. I know this because if it was good news, they would've called me to tell me about my six-figure advance on my script sale, they wouldn't have sent me a letter.

I put an article (http://MoviesMoneyandMore.com/HighHopes.html) I wrote about a phone call I received from a production company on my website if you'd like to read it. This is closer to what I would hope would happen, but ... well, just read it for yourself.

If you've never gotten a rejection letter from an agent, you don't know what a treat it is. Here's an example of what to expect:

Dear No-Talent Hack,

I usually have to read at least 30 pages before I get disgusted with a script. In your case, it only took 5. I would thank you for saving me time, if those 5 pages hadn't been so dreadful to read.

Have you considered reading a book on screenwriting?

Not knowing what else to do with it, I tried to line my birdcage with your screenplay, but it was so bad my parrot didn't even want to crap on it. In end I had to send your script to dump where this awful thing belongs.

Have a nice day,

Pompous Agent

Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a little. Rejection letters from agents are rarely this nice.

It just seems that 41 cents to get a letter like this is too much.

The US Postal Service website is located here: www.usps.com.

Now mediocrity is place to be, No failure and no success, No one grows and no one knows, And no one could care less, Where there was intellect, read neglect, Where there was exercise read sloth, Where there was ingenuity read apathy, Assuming you read or write or both, What price a system that has missed them, Painting failure as success as it is turning, Where once education was our salvation Now we just have dumbed down learning,

Whilst exercise brightened our eyes, And tuition filtered through our heads, Where discipline and rules gave us tools, And stirred us from all our beds, Their eyes are leaden with whats fed them, By programmes and adverts 24/7, That lead them obese to an early feast, And a slow hell instead of heaven.

You cant subscribe to its safe inside, Without losing out on adventure, You cant restrict all lifes conflicts, Cant create things out of censure, You cant repeal what people feel, Cant tell them that you know best Cant cast aside all exercise, Cant dispel need for tests, For they will divine, given time, And their innate common sense, You cant form quality from equality, Or lead whilst sitting on fence.

Its so plain to see, to you and me, Education left to artifice and device, Will not turn out scribes and lions, It will merely churn out mice.