* bring a MP3 player, CD player, or walkman with you. Put together a mixture of music that you find soothing or uplifting, and bring that with you. Or you might want to bring along a tape made by your therapist, friend, lover, or yourself, that tells you messages you need to hear, or reads aloud your favourite book. You can also take along a relaxation tape.

* take some small snacks or food you can fit into your bag, purse, or backpack. Food can be both a comfort, and a help in balancing how you feel. If you go too long without food and your blood sugar drops, you may not even notice or connect that you’re feeling lousy because you haven’t eaten -- but it can happen. It helps to bring something you can just nibble on when you get hungry. You might want to pack: o something sweet from your childhood that makes you feel good - like a certain gum or candy or chocolate; o fruit - an apple or orange; o a little snack pack of crackers and cheese, a granola bar, or trail mix o cut up veggies o bottle of water or juice

* bring along a comfort book A comfort book is something you create for yourself, by pasting or drawing things onto pages. It’s a small notebook or sketchbook filled with things that make you feel good: o a letter from a friend; o photos of people you love; o images that make you feel good (you can make colour photocopies of a few pages out of a book, or scan them); o little cartoons that make you smile, etc.

* bring a good-things-about-me booklet A Good-Things-About-Me booklet is a little booklet or notebook that you write good things about yourself in. It can be very hard to write good things about yourself, especially if you don’t believe them, but writing good things and reading them can help you believe them. You might also want to think about good things other people have said about you, and see if you’d like to include those, too. Or you might want to ask a friend, therapist, or lover to write out some things you can include.

* bring some small vials of essential oils, or some smell that makes you feel good Smell is one of our most powerful senses. Something that smells good to us can lift our spirits. Think of a warm cinnamon bun, or a freshly cut orange. Essential oils have properties that can help ease depression, lift spirits, and soothe soul (when used in conjunction with other things). They are espeically nice because they are natural, and, in my experience, they really do help. You might want to use these oils to: o lift your spirits: orange, ylang ylang, bergamot o calm and soothe: lavender, chamomile, rose, jasmine o increase confidence: bergamot, grapefruit, jasmine

* carry a small tincture. You might want to tuck a small tincture into your pocket or bag. Bach remedies is one such brand of tinctures. Rescue Remedy is most famous remedy. Many survivors swear by it. I found that Rock Rose really works for me when I feel terror. You might want to think about what feeling you need help with -- panic, fear, depression, pain, loneliness, feeling unequal -- and then search out appropriate tincture. Try it out for a few weeks, and see if it helps you.

Carrying around some form of comfort, and having it available right when you need it can help ease anxiety and stress, and give you reassurance when you need it. I’ve found that just knowing I have a comfort bag with me is sometimes enough -- and other times, I am grateful I have it with me to dip into. You might want to try carrying around some comfort, and see if it makes a difference in your life.

© Cheryl Rainfield, 2001 http://www.cherylrainfield.com

If you like this article, you may post it on your website or use it in your print publication, as long as you provide a link back to my site (http://www.CherylRainfield.com), and credit me. I'd also really like to know where you put my article, but you don't have to let me know in order to use it.

This job has to be important. It can’t just be some willy nilly thing, or those parts won’t take you seriously. And it has to be something that is positive, something that is vital to feeling good. Something that you couldn’t do alone.

Those critical voices might not take you up on your offer first time you talk to them. But if you let them know that they’re only ones you think are strong enough to do it, or smart enough, or that they’re ones who can do it best — and if you thank them in a real way for trying to protect you in past, and let them know that this is best way to protect you now, then those parts will, almost assuredly, come around. And you’ll have a strong team on your side. Because critical messages are very strong — but loving messages are even stronger.

* Replace Those Messages With New, Loving Ones

Criticizing yourself probably served a purpose when you were a child, maybe even helped you cope or survive. You may have thought that if you criticized yourself first, it wouldn’t hurt so much when other people criticized you. Or you may have thought it would make others criticize you less, if you were one to do it. Or perhaps you had no choice but to absorb some of things that were constantly being said about you. Whatever reason, criticizing yourself doesn’t help you now; it hurts you. And you don’t deserve to be hurt. So try to give yourself new, loving messages. Make up some new messages for yourself — and remind yourself of them all time.

This is a great job for those critical voices. Ask them to do this for you. You need their help — and they can be powerful allies. Here’s how you (or they) can do it:

Every time you hear yourself start to criticize yourself, take a moment to notice that, and then give yourself a new, loving message. It often helps to write out those messages, and put them everywhere that you’ll find them. You can also ask a friend or lover to help feed back to you those loving messages. You may need to hear those loving messages from others for a while before you’re able to start giving them to yourself. But sometimes most powerful messages come from your self.

Try to give as many loving messages to yourself as you can.

* Release Critical Messages

Try to release those critical and negative messages. You don’t deserve to be emotionally hammered. You deserve kindness, respect, and love — especially from yourself. Realize that playing critical messages in your head is a form of hurting yourself — and try to find compassion for yourself to let go of those negative thoughts.

Some people like to make a ritual out of it — a tangible act that helps them to let it go, such as writing out messages and burning or tearing them up. Others might visualize something that helps them to let it go, such as seeing negative messages as red shapes (or whatever colour you choose), and pushing that out of their body. Use whatever method works best for you.

* Be Compassionate With Yourself

More than anyone else in world, you deserve your own compassion. You are one who is with you always. And you are one who, ultimately, can hurt yourself or heal yourself most.

Withholding compassion from yourself doesn’t help you — and it doesn’t help people you love, either. The more compassion and love you’re able to give yourself, more you’re able to give others — both from your heart, and by example.

You deserve your compassion and love. You truly do. You won’t make yourself into a “better” person by criticizing yourself or being harsh with yourself. You won’t make people love you more by emotionally beating yourself up. But when you give yourself compassion, you open up your heart to yourself. You allow yourself to be all of who you are. And in blossoming into your own self, you encourage others to do same. Love is given and received more easily — and you’ll feel better, happier, and more alive. Know that you are beautiful, and just right for how you need to be, way you are.

* Forgive Yourself

Whatever you think you’ve done wrong, whatever you judge yourself for, you probably judge yourself far more harshly than anyone else ever would. Let go of that judgement. Forgive yourself for everything that you hold criticism for. We all make mistakes, every one of us. We all have times that we can’t live up to our ideals. Ideals are good things — when we remember that it’s what we’re trying to reach, through practice and growth — and that we may not always be able to reach those goals.

Let yourself be. Let yourself know that you are doing your best. And in forgiving yourself, truly and wholeheartedly forgiving yourself, those critical voices will lose some of their power, and you will find you are more beautiful than you thought.

Letting go of critical messages can be hard to do. But criticizing yourself just continues negativity that others tried to give you. It’s not route to feeling good. Giving yourself loving messages is.

You can do it. You can find a way to lessen those critical voices, increase loving messages, and eventually replace old messages with new ones so that what becomes second nature is to praise yourself, to love yourself, to have compassion for yourself. And every little step you take along way helps you, and shows your strength.

So next time you hear a critical message about yourself, take a moment to breathe, and then let that message go. Recognize beauty in your soul — and give yourself loving messages you need.

© Cheryl Rainfield, 2002 http://www.CherylRainfield.com