People pleasers’ focus is mostly on others and away from themselves. They often feel empty, or don’t know how they feel, what they think, or what they want for themselves. But it’s possible to change this pattern and to feel better about yourself.

There are many ways to reduce your tendency to please others. Here are some suggestions:

Practice saying NO. This is a very important word! Say it as often as you can, just to hear word come out of your mouth. Say it out loud when you are alone. Practice phrases with NO in them, such as, "No, I can’t do that" or "No, I don’t want to go there".Try it for simple things first, then build your way up to harder situations.

Stop saying YES. Try to pause or take a breath before responding to someone’s request. You may want to answer requests with "I need to think about it first, I’ll get back to you" or "Let me check my schedule and call you back". Use any phrase that you feel comfortable with that gives you time before you automatically respond with YES.

Take small breaks, even if you feel guilty. You won’t always feel guilty, but most likely in beginning you will.

Walk slowly; it’s part of slowing down your pace.

Discover what gives you pleasure, for example, reading magazines, watching videos, going to a park, and listening to music, and then give yourself permission to do those things.

Ask someone to help you with something. I know this is a hard one but you can do it!

Check in with how you feel and what you are thinking. It’s important to be aware of these things; they’re part of who you are. And then try saying what you feel and think more often. Many people pleasers believe that nobody will like them if they stop doing things for other people. If someone stops liking you because you don’t do what they ask, then you’re being used by them and probably don’t want them as a friend anyway. People will like you for who you are and not simply for what you do. You deserve to take time to yourself, to say NO, and to take care of yourself without feeling guilty. It’s within your reach to change - one small step at a time!

Kali Munro, © 2001 http://www.KaliMunro.com

What signs should lead you to suspect serious depression?

·Lethargy and or refusal to get out of bed; ·Changes in Sleep Patterns, such as sleeping all morning ·Unusual Complaints ·Memory loss and loss of ability to concentrate ·Frequent sighs or weeping if unusual for sufferer ·Feeling fear and loneliness; ·Thoughts of death ·Refusal to eat ·Refusal to take prescribed medications ·Thoughts or talk of suicide (remember, notion that suicides do not signal their plans is a myth!) ·Significant changes in personality ·Irritability

What Can You Do?

A few simple steps may improve their condition rapidly:

·Call more often than usual. ·Take your elder for outings away from house. ·Schedule a medical appointment to confirm or deny your suspicions, and be one to take your elder to that appointment. Depression often accompanies early stages of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. ·Check bottles to be certain that your elder is actually taking prescribed medications at recommended dosages. Too many or too few pills in bottle can warn you of problems. If you find evidence that medications are not taken as prescribed, gently probe to see if you can learn why. ·Include elder in parties and holiday festivities, but keep duration of their participation at a level they can handle comfortably. ·Drop in more often than usual on homebound elders.

You don’t have to be a doctor or social worker to recognize signs of depression. Take action now to protect those who protected you.