DESPERADO

If moving ahead requires forgiving your parents, siblings, or your ex, do so. Don’t be a ‘desperado’ – remember that song? ‘Your prison is having to go through life all alone … why don’t you let someone love you before it’s too late?’

“Letting someone love you” would seem like an easy thing, but it’s not, if letting someone love you in past has been painful. This applies to everyone in past!

If it requires forgiving your ex, do so. If you can’t, turn it over to a higher power. I don’t agree that it can always be forgiven, but you must let it go.

Here’s something I recommend sometimes: Be willing to accept that they will stand before another judge, not you, and let it go.

Judging takes a lot of time and energy, and price you pay is twofold, and damaging to yourself on both accounts.

The first is that you are prisoner, and one who suffers damage. It is stressful to judge and harbor resentment, grudges and grievances.

Studies have shown how stressful it is, and how hard on our health, and yes, it is you, one who has already suffered, who will suffer again.

Do you really want to do this to yourself again? Wasn’t once enough? Studies show that each time you go over old war story, you are stressing your cardiac system in same way. The second is that you will also be judging yourself … and there we will be in that perfectionism again.

If you are having trouble figuring out how to forgive someone, work with a coach!

REALITY TESTING

Only when you’ve gotten rid of “ghosts” from your past, can you perceive your current situation clearly.

Why? Because, as we learn studying Emotional Intelligence, our brains do not know difference between past, present or future. They do not know what’s a ‘perceived’ threat (an insult) and a ‘real’ threat (a car barreling down on you).

If you see each man as “every man”, you are going to react according to things that have happened in past.

For instance, if your last partner was unfaithful, and you fail to intellectually and emotionally understand that all partners are not faithful, you’ll be dragging this into new relationship. It is not only unfair to new guy, it’s going to make you fearful and fear is antithetical to love, yes?

Men and women are first and foremost people. Even though you read a study – a scientific one – that says “Women tend to be,” listen to wording. It is only talking about “some” women, not all women. Beyond that, each women or man is different and unique, just as you are! Each new relationship is a fresh one, unless, that is, you’re dragging around old emotions from past experiences. In that case, since your brain doesn’t know difference between past, present and future, you are having only one relationship and same one over and over. UG!

Q: What is definition of a nightmare? A: Having same bad experience over and over and over again.

WHAT TO DO?

We recommend taking an EQ assessment ( http:/ inyurl.com/z94t ) and then working with an emotional intelligence coach to sharpen your EQ skills. EQ is all about identifying your emotions, understanding them, managing them, and regulating them. Improving your EQ will benefit you in all areas of your life, and clear air for new experiences in your life.