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Certainly, you learn from experience. Hopefully, you become wiser. It is unfair, however, to transfer one experience to another in such a paranoid fashion as this fellow. Wisdom, yes; paranoia, no.
To have rich rewarding relationships with others as partners, co-workers, colleagues or relatives, you have to have a rich and rewarding relationship with yourself. IT'S THAT SIMPLE!
Do you approve of yourself? If so, great; If not, what would you have to do to earn your own approval? Popular magazines tell you that you must be your own best friend. What does this mean?
Stop. Ask yourself if you are willing to do for yourself what you are willing to do for your friends. Some folks will put themselves out to do something for another person and yet they won't get off couch for themselves. They may be more comfortable spending money on another than on themselves. They may go places that interest them with another but they will not go alone. If a movie is worth seeing, it's worth seeing, isn't it?
Really great relationships begin with really great relationships with yourself. There's another important ingredient, though.
Before you say anything about your partner, co-worker or relative, ask yourself if you are doing what you want them to do. I notice in my life with my husband that I cannot complain about what he doesn't do if I am not holding up my end completely. Life gets much easier when you are first sure you are living up to your own expectations of others. The conversation you have with yourself is much more straightforward. Be sure you're doing what you expect them to do...and that you have been demonstrating this behavior over some time. No fair pointing out that he/she needs to participate in an exercise program if you have not been demonstrating consistently that you value exercise. This is dirty pool. No fair saying someone else is putting on weight and it is unattractive unless you are at a reasonable weight.
Why is this simple equation so often overlooked? Because we project - we project our shortcomings on others. It's easier than taking responsibility for our own, isn't it?
Want really great relationships? Have a fantastic, honest relationship with yourself. That's only way!
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD Keynotes, Seminars & Coaching for entrepreneurs & professionals who want the motivation & strategies to achieve, to lead and to live richly. Creator of the Living Richly™ Program Host of Living Richly™ on www.wsRadio.ws. Author of OPTIMIZE Your Day! Practical Wisdom for Optimal Living Optimize Life Now! San Diego, CA www.OptimizeLifeNow.com