Eddie remembers peacefulness and beauty of beach and ocean in Belle Harbor, where he spent first five years of his life. Although he is only sixteen years old, he often consciously returns to these golden days in moments of stress.

In closing, let me tell you about Sally. After a marriage of 25 years that was demeaning and not supportive to her, Sally had finally divorced. She now worked full-time, went to school at night, had friends and beyond her wildness dreams, was actually taking vacations with girlfriends. She had just come back from a wonderful vacation to a remote Caribbean island.

Sally sums up 'magic' of her life now by saying: "Getting in touch with my Enchanted Self," she says, "made me think about my own history in a way I had never done before. I realize that I have underestimated and diminished my own life and self-worth, perhaps because of many factors going on in a bad marriage. The truth is that I, too, have an 'Enchanted Self.' I love to study, and always did. I love to travel and meet new people. I realized that I had enjoyed even meeting new kids on block growing up. Why shouldn't I have pleasure of travel now? I pull out lots of memories of my Enchanted moments in times of stress and unhappiness. Somehow, with this inner strength lifting me up, my problems have become smaller and more manageable."

I hope these little vignettes have also inspired you to reach into your past and use your enchanted moments to strengthen present, and to design your future in unique and positive ways.

As therapists, we can certainly wonder why this hadn't happened as a result of my training and my time in therapy. After all, I had been exposed to hundreds and hundreds of intimate stories over 15 years. My hunch is that while in treatment room, I, like any paid healing professional, saw myself, to some extent, as being in authority position. This may have reinforced some natural biases that I carried with me from my childhood. I think I continue to withhold some deep level of empathy, still seem myself as being apart. When interviewing women, however, I was automatically their equal, and that placed me differently. Having privilege of listening to 18 women, began to listen to other women's voices with less bias and value judgments. For example, I had always valued certain capacities, such as pragmatic decision-making and capacity to carry through once a decision had been made. This is a capacity which can be restricted for women. After this glimpse into girlhood dreams and shattered hopes of many of women interviewed -- compromises made with life and painful, yet successful ways of salvaging one's soul after many lost opportunities -- I was able to cross a barrier and join them at some level of womenhood -- removing my old iron bars, my negativity and judgments.