Our Comfort ZoneWritten by Bridget Nolen
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So if you are actively looking for your “soul mate,” if you believe there is only one person you are meant to be with, you may think chances are slim that he just happens to coincidentally be guy that lives down street in Manayunk or one that stands in your corner at Princeton. If you’re looking to meet new people, start over, get a second chance, then move to SanFransisco. It’s a place of new beginnings. Now you won’t find a shirt there like one at Princeton. No one stays long enough to establish a corner of bar. The majority of people I met in SanFransisco were “transplanted” there, and they actually call themselves that – “transplants.” They have made their friends through jobs they moved out here for and by being set up by friends of friends who knew someone out here. They are less likely to belong to a group of friends and more likely to have a collection of different people that seem to me quite “random” and to them quite “diverse.” I was so interested in all their stories, how they got here, how long they want to stay, what they’ll do next. Most of them moved because of a job or because they wanted a change of scene, or they are simply bored by their lives. Many of them were afraid of being “stuck” somewhere without actually living their life or allowing anything new to happen to them. When I have this fear, my first instinct in to move also. But I don’t. When asking them how long they will stay most of them said they were unsure, “maybe a year or two.” I couldn’t help but wonder, “Are you happy here? Why do you only predict you’ll only stay for such a short period of time?” I kept thinking, “Where is home to you?” As we drank more I felt brave enough to ask this question of them (since they asked what I was passionate about within minutes of my arrival…I felt I had right to get a bit personal). Oddly enough most of them cited home as place they originally came from. Again I couldn’t help but think, “Then why are you running away?” I have come to understand though through keeping friendships like Holly’s and having a brother who took up traveling as soon as he was old enough, that its not that they are “running away” its just that they are more comfortable running. I assume they find home in pursing their passion or constant change or a variety of things. Or maybe they are not in pursuit of home at all or just don’t feel need to be located there. I see home in route I drive to work from Manayunk to Devon even though it’s Schuylkill and there aren’t mountains and oceans in background. I see it in my parent’s eyes and smell of Havertown in fall. I see it in way air changes as you drive over bridge to shore and everything in that moment seems right with world. I see it when a friend from high school smiles across bar, or we tease other in our group of friends not because we are tired of each other but because we just know each other so well. I feel it as seasons change. I feel it when I drink too much but am not worried that I’d be left alone because I am surrounded by people that have known me well and love me for who I was, who I am, and who I will be. When I am away from this for too long I have this overwhelming homesickness. I enjoy traveling, especially to San Francisco. But as I walked hills, admired architecture and view that seemed to linger forever, as I walked into places that were often just as foreign to me as people I was with, I thought of all those people that are “home” to me, I looked down at my t-shirt and couldn’t help but think, “I wish you were here.” As my trip continued I learned even more about culture of life here in SanFransisco and was able to remain open minded about pros and cons. What they have provided for each other is a new beginning. They are unable to judge each other on their pasts but they are also unable to be forgiving because of them. They are able to be more understanding and accepting of person you are not but less likely to understand person you are. They are not suspicious of new people or exclusive in whom they invite on a night out or a weekend away, but they lack mentality of a group of friends that is well established and close knit. There is something about lure of a new beginning, just as there is something beyond compare about an old friend. It all depends on what you need to be happy. And for most part, although everyone has a story, they all appeared very happy in their new setting. They took so many pictures of so many people on so many trips, I called these “activity weekends” in which they would spontaneously go hiking in Northern California or boating in Sand Diego or skiing in Tahoe. I couldn’t help but feel jealous of money they must all make to maintain this lifestyle, and how active they remain. I couldn’t help but feel lazy and guilty about fact that on our weekends…we sit around and drink. I couldn’t help but feel proud of fact that most of my pictures, however minimal, although not all photographs of beaches or ski slopes, contain images of my closest friends and are snapshots of memories that are significant to our lives in Philadelphia. To say that I know all these people in my pictures seems like an understatement until I came to California and realized how little these people know each other in comparison. It was obvious in lack of inside jokes, or reminiscing, or back and forth banter that is characteristic of close friends. I realize that I see safety in a comfort zone, I see loyalty, and I see unconditional love. “Safety,” “predictable,” “comfort” – these are all words that I now know prompt some people to RUN and others to STAY. Maybe we can learn from each other. As my trip winded down I was surprised to recognize that my longing for home this time was as strong as my desire to stay. While I was here I felt less burdened by conventions of our day to day life, my outlook seemed more open minded, my thoughts more liberal, my goals more reachable, my mind more free. I had decisions to make, and I was able to do that out there. Maybe that’s how you feel on any vacation, but this seemed different somehow. I learned a lot by exploring these two different but equally enticing atmospheres. I definitely need to travel more. When you leave your comfort zone, for any length of time, there is still a lot of courage needed and learning involved. Mine has been invaluable. What I know for sure is that home certainly is, as they say, where heart is. Mine is in Philadelphia, nurtured and cared for by people that define my comfort zone. I imagine I will raise children here one day whether or not I meet their father at Princeton. I imagine that if I move cross country one day I would still need to be surrounded not only by people I love but by people I love most. I imagine that when I get home I will take a long walk on Main Street and wear my t-shirt and think of Holly in her great new city. I will think “I wish you were here” but I will know that she is where she should be just as I am where I belong…home.
Bridget Nolen is twenty-seven year old school teacher living in Phialdelphia. She writes articles that reflect upon teaching, living, and learning in your twenties.
| | Catch Cheaters Using Software TechnologyWritten by Luigi Di Serio
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The Internet is used in various ways by a cheating spouse. It can be used simply for communication between physical lovers to chat or plan dates. It can also be used as a tool for cyber affairs. A cyber affair is an affair in which all communication occurs via Internet rather than through physical meetings. With cyber affairs, Internet is typically used for sexual chats or simply to communicate between lovers. Does your spouse seem eager to be at PC when nobody else is around? If so, then there's a good chance that they are doing something you wouldn't approve of. Too bad you can't setup a video camera right in front of monitor to see what happens on PC. Well NOW you can do practically same thing. Technology has now grown to combat these types of activities. Most people who have online affairs are not aware that what they do on their PC can be secretly recorded. Software such as AceSpy and InvisibleKeylogger can be loaded onto your PC, which is 100% invisible, and it will capture all activity they perform while online. This type of spy software is completely hidden from them, so they won't know it's running. Simply install software, wait until they use PC, then go back to PC and enter a secret key sequence. A password box will popup. Type in your password and you will be able to view what they did! Also available is spy software such as RemoteSpy and Spytech Realtime-Spy which can be installed simply by sending them an email. They will never know it loaded and you can monitor PC from any web browser by logging into an interface showing you all of cheating spouse activity. Note: It is possible for anti-spyware or anti-keyloggers to catch your spy software, so be sure that your security programs are shut off or that your spy program is not detectable before running it. By Luigi Di Serio using content from AceSpy.com
"Jack of all trades and master of none"... Luigi Di Serio is an ad hoc, freelance writer and web site developer who owns over 100 web sites! He holds a degree in Urban Planning and is specialized in strategic business intelligence, security, espionage, sociology and human interactionism (including relationships). www.diserio.com
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